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Thinking Quotes by Steven Wright
- I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.
- I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five.
- Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.
- Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped out a quarter?
- I think God's going to come down and pull civilization over for speeding.
- I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier they wouldn't have to go so fast.
- I kept a diary right after I was born. Day 1: Tired from the move. Day 2: Everyone thinks I'm an idiot.
- I don't get up, get dressed, go out, and think, 'Okay, I gotta find eight jokes.'
- I feel lucky that I can have people laugh solidly for a whole hour by just saying what I think and getting paid for it.
- I need one of those baby monitors from my subconscious to my consciousness so I can know what the hell I'm really thinking about.
- It seems like we wake up and it's a race until you get to bed. It gets to you after a while and you think,…
- I don't feel that I'm explaining the world or teaching people anything. And I'm not trying to be a mirror, showing them what's really going…
- I'm standing behind a wall of jokes. You don't know about my personal life, my girlfriends, or what I do when I'm not on the…
- Comedians are sociologists. We're pointing out stuff that the general public doesn't even stop to think about, looking at life in slow-motion and questioning everything…
- I've been thinking of humorous things since I was... I can't remember when. All the way through elementary school, all the way through junior high,…
- People may think I'm trying something new by telling stories, but they're just jokes connected to give the illusion of stories. But really, I just…
- When I was on TV in the '80s, I wasn't thinking, 'There's a 10-year-old kid watching this and in 15 years, he's gonna be doing…
- Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.
- You know how it is when you’re walking up the stairs, and you get to the top, and you think there’s one more step? I’m…
- You know, the New Testament is pretty old. I think they should call them the Old Testament and the Most Recent Testament.
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