Best George Carlin Quotations
- Property is theft. Nobody "owns" anything. When you die, it all stays here. All
- The best thing about living at the water's edge: You only have assholes on three sides of you, and if they come this way you… Assholes
- The future will soon be a thing of the past. Future
- Boxing is a more sophisticated form of hockey. Boxing
- Bowling is not a sport because you have to rent the shoes. When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops? This title offends all three major… All
- And now, in the interest of equal time, here is a message from the National Equal
- Whoever coined the term "Buyer Beware" was probably bleeding from the asshole. Asshole
- Have you ever noticed that the lawyer always smiles more than the client? Always Smile
- Just think, right now as you read this, some guy somewhere is gettin' ready to hang himself. Gettin
- If all our national holidays were observed on Wednesdays, we could wind up with nine-day weekends. All
- "No comment" is a comment. Comment
- Most of the time people feel okay. Probably it's because at the moment they're not actually dying. Actually Dying
- So far, this is the oldest I've been. Been
- Do you think Sammy Davis ate Junior Mints? Ate
- When you think about it, attention-deficit order makes a lot of sense. In this country there isn't a lot worth paying attention to. Attention
- The Golden Gate Bridge should have a long bungee cord for people who aren't quite ready to commit suicide but want to get in a… Bridge
- If the cops didn't see it, I didn't do it! Cop
- Hooray for most things! Hooray
- I don't have a fear of heights. I do, however, have a fear of falling from heights. Fall
- What was the best thing before sliced bread? Best
- Life is a zero sum game. Game
- Somehow I enjoy watching people suffer. Enjoy
- Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky. Atheist
- I also survived circumcision, a barbaric practice designed to remind you as early as possible that your genitals are not your own. Atheist
- Marry an orphan: you'll never have to spend boring holidays with the in-laws. Boring
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