Asshole Quotes

331 quotes by 240 authors

Whoever coined the term "Buyer Beware" was probably bleeding from the asshole. — George Carlin
The more complicated the order, the bigger the asshole. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a 'decaf grandee, half soy, half lowfat, iced… — George Carlin
Looking back, I realize that my life has been a series of incidents where one person has said to another, "Get this asshole outta here!" — George Carlin
I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. They should be more vivid. Here are a few I would suggest: "Alcohol will… — George Carlin
Recently I've been looking for something new. The past few projects I've worked on, I keep getting cast as the asshole. I promise I'm a… — Dave Franco
It was only after I untied my girlfriend from being face down on the bed that I learned her screaming, 'Asshole!' was a statement about… — David Henry
Awards are like hemorrhoids. Sooner or later every asshole gets one. — Francois Ozon
Came to the world at a time when it was in need of a villain / An asshole, that role I think I succeed in… — Eminem
I hate the word homophobia. It's not a phobia. You are not scared. You are an asshole, — Morgan Freeman
Really, all religious teachings can be boiled down to: â€œJust be cool. Donâ€™t be an asshole. — Nick Offerman
I like to go to concerts because I love to see my favorite band through the phone of the asshole who's standing in front of… — Demetri Martin
It doesn't matter how much of an asshole you are, there was always someone who thought you were cool. — Greg Proops
A lot of people say that my life is wasted on me because I could be a bigger asshole than I am, but I've chosen… — Bette Midler
Brian is an archetypal character, a bit like Don Juan, which is how I play him. He's a blast to play. He believes unapologetically in… — Gale Harold
There will never be a reunion, as I will never do anything with an asshole like Will Smith. He is still an egomaniac and has… — Janet Hubert
But it was in this moment, lying in bed late at night, that I first realized that the voice in my headâ€”the running commentary that… — Dan Harris
Literature should not disappear up its own asshole, so to speak. — Kurt Vonnegut
I've only been an asshole to assholes! — Harlan Ellison
Work your ass off. Don't be an asshole. — Stefan Sagmeister
I've always been a big supporter of the Constitutional right of the people to peaceably assemble and petition government for redress of grievances. It's just… — Lowell P. Weicker, Jr.

Who Wrote These Asshole Quotes

240 authors contributed a total of 331 Asshole Quotes, led by these top contributors: