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Life Quotes by George Carlin
- Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
- Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
- Always do whatever's next.
- When you step on the brakes your life is in your foot's hands.
- The status quo sucks.
- God bless the homicidal maniacs. They make life worthwhile.
- Life is a zero sum game.
- Dogs lead a nice life. You never see a dog with a wristwatch.
- O. J. Simpson has already received the ultimate punishment: For the rest of his life he has to associate with golfers.
- Looking back, I realize that my life has been a series of incidents where one person has said to another, "Get this asshole outta here!"
- People think life is real complicated. Actually, there's nothing to it. Once you leave out all the bullshit they teach you in school, life gets…
- Life is a near-death experience.
- The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life.
- Baseball begins in the spring, the season of new life. Football begins in the fall, when everything's dying.
- We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up…
- I find it discouraging - and a bit depressing - when I notice the unequal treatment afforded by the media to UFO believers on the…
- If honesty were suddenly introduced into American life, the whole system would collapse.
- We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life, not life to years.
- That's the whole meaning of life, isn't it? Trying to find a place for your stuff.
- I couldn't commit suicide if my life depended on it.
- I feel sorry for confetti. Its useful life lasts about two seconds. And it can never be used again.
- People say, 'I'm going to sleep now,' as if it were nothing. But it's really a bizarre activity. 'For the next several hours, while the…
- Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music.
- Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.
- Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
More Ways to Read Life Quotes by George Carlin
More Life Quotes
- Storytelling reveals meaning without committing the error of defining it. — Hannah Arendt
- Culture relates to objects and is a phenomenon of the world; entertainment relates to people and is a phenomenon of life. — Hannah Arendt
- We have almost succeeded in leveling all human activities to the common denominator of securing the necessities of life and providing for… — Hannah Arendt
- I do think the heart can balance out the mind, if your heart is in a good place it can give you… — Alexis Arguello
- I find that it's hard to fully examine one's life and not have faith be part of the discussion. — J. J. Abrams
- Wise people, even though all laws were abolished, would still lead the same life. — Aristophanes
- Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies. — Aristotle
- Friendship is a single soul dwelling in two bodies. — Aristotle
- We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit. — Aristotle
- Those who educate children well are more to be honored than they who produce them; for these only gave them life, those… — Aristotle
- Happiness depends upon ourselves. — Aristotle
- I count him braver who overcomes his desires than him who conquers his enemies; for the hardest victory is over self. — Aristotle