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Stupid People Quotes by George Carlin
- The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on…
- Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.
- When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you're born in America, you get a front row seat.
- May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
- Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
- I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
- By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.
- I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it.
- Swimming is not a sport. Swimming is a way to keep from drowning. That's just common sense!
- I used to be Irish Catholic. Now I'm an American - you know, you grow.
- You can't fight City Hall, but you can goddamn sure blow it up.
- If the Cincinnati Reds were really the first major league baseball team, who did they play?
- No one knows what's next, but everybody does it.
- If it requires a uniform, it's a worthless endeavor.
- Soft rock music isn't rock, and it ain't music. It's just soft. Reminds me of something my third-grade teacher said to us. She said, "You…
- As soon as someone is identified as an unsung hero, he no longer is.
- If a movie is described as a romantic comedy, you can usually find me next door playing pinball.
- If you've got a cat and a leg, you've got a happy cat. If you've got a cat and two legs, you've got a party.
- I don't like to think of laws as rules you have to follow, but more as suggestions.
- Eventually, alas, I realized the main purpose of buying cocaine is to run out of it.
- I never joined the Boy Scouts. I don't trust any organization that has a handbook.
- Beethoven was so hard of hearing, he thought he was a painter.
- Don Ho can sign autographs 3.4 times faster than Efrem Zimbalist Jr.
- God bless the homicidal maniacs. They make life worthwhile.
- I've never seen a homeless guy with a bottle of Gatorade.
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More Stupid People Quotes
- Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country. — Marion Barry
- If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time… — Scott Adams
- I have long known that it is part of God's plan for me to spend a little time with each of the… — Bill Bryson
- Stupid people are ruining America. — Herman Cain
- Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd… — Mariah Carey
- The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people… — George Carlin
- Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit. — George Carlin
- When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you're born in America, you get a front row seat. — George Carlin
- May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house. — George Carlin
- Atheism is a non-prophet organization. — George Carlin
- I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it. — George Carlin
- By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth. — George Carlin