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All Quotes by George Carlin
- The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
- Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to…
- When someone is impatient and says, 'I haven't got all day,' I always wonder, How can that be? How can you not have all day?
- You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans.
- Standing ovations have become far too commonplace. What we need are ovations where the audience members all punch and kick one another.
- One great thing about getting old is that you can get out of all sorts of social obligations just by saying you're too tired.
- Property is theft. Nobody "owns" anything. When you die, it all stays here.
- Bowling is not a sport because you have to rent the shoes. When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops? This title offends all three major…
- If all our national holidays were observed on Wednesdays, we could wind up with nine-day weekends.
- When in comes to bullshit...bigtime, major league bullshit...you have to stand in awe of the all-time champion of false promises and exaggerated claims...religion.
- They'll get it all from you sooner or later 'cause they own this f**kin' place. It's a big club and you ain't in it. You…
- Ah, to be a bird. To fly the skies, sing my song, and best of all occasionally peck someone's eyes out.
- In high school, when I first heard of entropy, I was attracted to it immediately. They said that in nature all systems are breaking down,…
- You're all going to die. I hate to remind you, but it is on your schedule. It probably won't happen when you'd like; generally, it's…
- I never worry that all hell will break loose. My concern is that only part of hell will break loose and be much harder to…
- Sun worship is fairly simple. There's no mystery, no miracles, no pageantry, no one asks for money, there are no songs to learn, and we…
- Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over your body
- May you all make it to a healthy 100 and a half!!
- You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you're PUSHING 40. Whoa! Put on the brakes, it's all slipping away. Before you know it, you REACH…
- People think life is real complicated. Actually, there's nothing to it. Once you leave out all the bullshit they teach you in school, life gets…
- I'm never critical or judgmental about whether or not a movie is any good. The way I look at it, if several hundred people got…
- No, there's no God, but there might be some sort of an organizing intelligence, and I think to understand it is way beyond our ability.…
- You know what they want? They want obedient workers. Obedient workers, people who are just smart enough to run the machines and do the paperwork.…
- There's a reason education sucks, and it's the same reason it will never ever ever be fixed. It's never going to get any better. Don't…
- Personally, when it comes to rights, I think one of two things is true. I think either we have unlimited rights, or we have no…
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- Total loyalty is possible only when fidelity is emptied of all concrete content, from which changes of mind might naturally arise. — Hannah Arendt
- No cause is left but the most ancient of all, the one, in fact, that from the beginning of our history has… — Hannah Arendt
- The ultimate end of human acts is eudaimonia, happiness in the sense of living well, which all men desire; all acts are… — Hannah Arendt
- The new always happens against the overwhelming odds of statistical laws and their probability, which for all practical, everyday purposes amounts to… — Hannah Arendt
- Where all are guilty, no one is; confessions of collective guilt are the best possible safeguard against the discovery of culprits, and… — Hannah Arendt
- We have almost succeeded in leveling all human activities to the common denominator of securing the necessities of life and providing for… — Hannah Arendt
- I keep my friends as misers do their treasure, because, of all the things granted us by wisdom, none is greater or… — Pietro Aretino
- We must all make peace so that we can all live in peace. — Jean-Bertrand Aristide
- The spirit of Ubuntu, that once led Haiti to emerge as the first independent black nation in 1804, helped Venezuela, Colombia and… — Jean-Bertrand Aristide
- As we all know, many people remain buried under tons of rubble and debris, waiting to be rescued. When we think of… — Jean-Bertrand Aristide
- Wise people, even though all laws were abolished, would still lead the same life. — Aristophanes
- A friend to all is a friend to none. — Aristotle