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Stupid Quotes by George Carlin
- Swimming is not a sport. Swimming is a way to keep from drowning. That's just common sense!
- I used to be Irish Catholic. Now I'm an American - you know, you grow.
- You can't fight City Hall, but you can goddamn sure blow it up.
- If the Cincinnati Reds were really the first major league baseball team, who did they play?
- No one knows what's next, but everybody does it.
- If it requires a uniform, it's a worthless endeavor.
- Soft rock music isn't rock, and it ain't music. It's just soft. Reminds me of something my third-grade teacher said to us. She said, "You…
- As soon as someone is identified as an unsung hero, he no longer is.
- If a movie is described as a romantic comedy, you can usually find me next door playing pinball.
- If you've got a cat and a leg, you've got a happy cat. If you've got a cat and two legs, you've got a party.
- I don't like to think of laws as rules you have to follow, but more as suggestions.
- Eventually, alas, I realized the main purpose of buying cocaine is to run out of it.
- I never joined the Boy Scouts. I don't trust any organization that has a handbook.
- Beethoven was so hard of hearing, he thought he was a painter.
- Don Ho can sign autographs 3.4 times faster than Efrem Zimbalist Jr.
- God bless the homicidal maniacs. They make life worthwhile.
- I've never seen a homeless guy with a bottle of Gatorade.
- One great thing about getting old is that you can get out of all sorts of social obligations just by saying you're too tired.
- If Helen Keller had psychic ability, would you say she had a fourth sense? What year did Jesus think it was?
- Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time.
- In America, anyone can become president. That's the problem.
- Once you leave the womb, conservatives don't care about you until you reach military age. Then you're just what they're looking for. Conservatives want live…
- One thing leads to another? Not always. Sometimes one thing leads to the same thing. Ask an addict.
- No one who has had "Taps" played for them has ever been able to hear it.
- Property is theft. Nobody "owns" anything. When you die, it all stays here.
More Ways to Read Stupid Quotes by George Carlin
More Stupid Quotes
- If journalists ask you again and again about the same bands, you'll end up saying you hate them just because you're so… — Billie Joe Armstrong
- When I was a kid, among the other embarrassing things I would do, and there's a list of stupid things, but I… — J. J. Abrams
- One of the truest tests of integrity is its blunt refusal to be compromised. — Chinua Achebe
- The person, be it gentleman or lady, who has not pleasure in a good novel, must be intolerably stupid. — Jane Austen
- You have to protect it too, you can't let just any stupid person take it and do something demoralizing with it. At… — Paul Auster
- I think a lot of times we don't pay enough attention to people with a positive attitude because we assume they are… — Amy Adams
- All I've ever ended up with in terms of achievements is the movie, some really stupid anecdotes, a bunch of crosswords that… — Christian Bale
- I will never do another TV series. It couldn't top I Love Lucy, and I'd be foolish to try. In this business,… — Lucille Ball
- My children - in many dimensions they're as poorly behaved as many other children, but at least on this dimension I've got… — Steve Ballmer
- One man alone can be pretty dumb sometimes, but for real bona fide stupidity, there ain't nothin' can beat teamwork. — Edward Abbey
- Nobody loves a woman because she is handsome or ugly, stupid or intelligent. We love because we love. — Honore de Balzac
- Nature makes only dumb animals. We owe the fools to society. — Honore de Balzac