All Dave Barry Quotes
- One key lesson of history is that virtually anything, including afternoon or evening thundershowers, causes Germany to invade Belgium. Afternoon
- Of course God enjoys a good prank as much as the next infallible deity. Course
- The Romans spent the next 200 years using their great engineering skill to construct ruins all over Europe. All
- The basic Roman ruin design is a pile of rocks with a little plaque saying "Roman Ruins" and a group of tourists frowning at it… Bar
- This nation is so friendly that the leading cause of injury is getting passionately embraced by strangers. Cause
- Elsewhere in Italy is the lovely city of Venice, which each year attracts millions of visitors despite the fact that it is basically an enormous… Attracts
- In foreign countries such as Italy, the government puts strict-looking speed limit signs everywhere, but nobody ever sees them because light does not travel fast… Catch
- The method (of learning Japanese) recommended by experts is to be born as a Japanese baby and raised by a Japanese family, in Japan. And… Baby
- Flying from the United States to Tokyo takes approximately as long as law school. Approximately
- I have read that, on the average, the Japanese are getting taller, but at the moment they seem to be about the same height as… American
- One night in Tokyo we watched two Japanese businessmen saying good-night to each other after what had clearly been a long night of drinking, a… Air
- Tokyo is huge. Something like 15 million people live there, and my estimate is that at any given moment, 14.7 million of them are lost. Any
- Japan has a low crime rate, unless you count the fact that approximately every fifteen minutes the entire Cabinet gets indicted for taking bribes. Approximately
- The Japanese eat, sleep, and breathe golf; the only thing they don't do is actually play it, because to get on a course, you have… Actually Get
- The Japanese, implementing a complex, long-term, and ultimately successful strategy to dominate the U S consumer-electronics market, attacked Pearl Harbor. Attacked
- Famous designers think nothing of putting their names on your clothing, but would have the servants set the dogs on you if you ever tried… Clothing
- At the height of rush hour, people on the London underground actually say "excuse me." Imagine what would happen if you tried an insane stunt… Actually Say
- Everybody in New York, including police horses, dresses fashionably, and whenever I'm there, even in my sharpest funeral-quality suit with no visible ketchup stains, I… Bag
- It is an inconvenience, being located in a city where taxes are ludicrously high, where you pay twice your annual income to rent an apartment… Airline
- Although it was constructed in 1536, the New York subway system boasts an annual maintenance budget of nearly $8, currently stolen, and it does a… Annual
- If for some reason you are unsure where to go, all you have to do is stand there looking lost, and within seconds a helpful… All
- Within less than an hour, Chuck and I easily located what could well be the correct platform, where we pass the time by perspiring freely… All
- We decide to start with the best-known sight of all, the one that, more than any other, exemplifies what the Big Apple is all about:… All
- If he (The New York Taxi Driver) talked to me, he might lose his concentration, which would be very bad because the taxi has some… Able
- I would rather undergo a vasectomy via Weed Whacker than attend an opera. Attend