All Dave Barry Quotes
- Aside from Velcro, time is the most mysterious substance in the universe. Aside
- I like golf because you can be really terrible at it, and still not look much dorkier than anybody else. Anybody
- When to arrive at the airport?: You should be at the airport already. Airport
- A perfect parent is a person with excellent child-rearing theories and no actual children. Actual
- What I need is a search engine that, no matter what I type in, comes back with GO BACK TO WORK. Comes Back
- There is a very fine line between hobby and mental illness. Fine
- It is better to be rich and healthy than poor and sick Better
- Is there a medical rule that requires doctors-office personnel to treat you as though you have the IQ of a Cheeto? Doctors
- The scrub sink...is the place where doctors wash their hands after they operate so that they won't get flecks of your vital organs on their… Doctors
- I become faint and nauseous during even very minor medical procedures, such as making an appointment by phone. Appointment
- I have a friend named Doris who argues, on good authority, that the single biggest cause of global warming is menopause. Argues
- Here in the news media, our focus is on speed. When we get hold of some new and possibly inaccurate information, our highest priority is… Airline
- This ball was so crowded that it took me - a trained professional journalist with vast experience in this area - forty five minutes to… Area
- A critical function that we journalists perform at political conventions is to try to get into parties that we have not been invited to. There… Become Larger
- ...Terry Jackson, who is the Miami Herald's automotive writer and TV critic. That's correct: This man gets paid to drive new cars AND watch television.… Automotive
- As the saying goes: "If you're not part of the solution, you're a newspaper columnist." Columnist
- As a professional journalist, I have always been fascinated by people who appear to have even more spare time than I do. Appear
- For the benefit of those of you who have real jobs and are not involved in the news business, I should first explain that .… Benefit
- One of the issues that we professional newspaper columnists are required by union regulations to voice grave concern about is the federal budget deficit, which… Budget
- The trouble is, you cannot grow just one zucchini. Minutes after you plant a single seed, hundreds of zucchini will barge out of the ground… Able