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From Quotes by Dave Barry
- Your modern teenager is not about to listen to advice from an old person, defined as a person who remembers when there was no Velcro.
- It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate.
- Magnetism, as you recall from physics class, is a powerful force that causes certain items to be attracted to refrigerators.
- Eugene is located in western Oregon, approximately 278 billion miles from anything.
- You can use the Internet to find out, from anywhere on the planet: exactly how much coffee is in a certain coffee machine at Cambridge…
- Kids have *_____ never* taken guidance from their parents. If you could travel back in time and observe the original primate family in the original…
- Albert Einstein, who discovered that a tiny amount of mass is equal to a huge amount of energy, which explains why, as Einstein himself so…
- Buying the right computer and getting it to work properly is no more complicated than building a nuclear reactor from wristwatch parts in a darkened…
- One popular new plastic surgery technique is called lip grafting, or 'fat recycling,' wherein fat cells are removed from one part of your body that…
- You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging…
- If you surveyed a hundred typical middle-aged Americans, I bet you'd find that only two of them could tell you their blood types, but every…
- Professional marriage counselors agree that the most productive and mature way to deal with marital anger is to stomp dramatically from the room. You want…
- Happens if a big asteroid hits Earth? Judging from realistic simulations...
- Proper turkey preparation is critical. According to the U.S. Department of Agriculture, more Americans die every year from eating improperly cooked turkey than were killed…
- Do not put this product in a big vat and drop rats into it from a cat-walk.
- But that's kind of an easy stance to be if you're a humor columnist, because you're tending to make fun of the government and the…
- All the shopping malls and restaurants and airports are riddled with low-fidelity loudspeakers, which apparently have developed the ability to reproduce by themselves; these are…
- I regularly read Internet user groups filled with messages from people trying to solve software incompatibility problems that, in terms of complexity, make the U.S.…
- Entire new continent can emerge from the ocean in the time it takes for a Web page to show up on your screen. Contrary to…
- European toilet paper is made from the same material that Americans use for roofing, which is why Europeans tend to remain standing throughout soccer matches.
More From Quotes
- No cause is left but the most ancient of all, the one, in fact, that from the beginning of our history has… — Hannah Arendt
- Whenever u get hurt from those people whom u love most don't blame them, fault is not their its your fault that… — Anurag Prakash Ray
- Haiti, Haiti, the further I am from you, the less I breathe. Haiti, I love you, and I will love you always.… — Jean-Bertrand Aristide
- We construct a narrative for ourselves, and that's the thread that we follow from one day to the next. People who disintegrate… — Paul Auster
- Throughout all of this confusion, I hope I somehow get to you. I practice all the things I'd say to tell you… — Superman
- As far as we are concerned, we are ready to leave today, tomorrow, at any time, to join the people of Haiti,… — Jean-Bertrand Aristide
- Sometimes people who want to understand Haiti from a political perspective may be missing part of the picture. They also need to… — Jean-Bertrand Aristide
- I have gained this from philosophy: that I do without being commanded what others do only from fear of the law. — Aristotle