In Hawaii they say, "aloha." That's a nice one, It means both "hello" and "good-bye" Which just goes to show, if you… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
When you're born in this world you're given a ticket to the Freak Show. And when you're born in America, you're given… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
You show me something that doesn't cause cancer, and I'll show you something that isn't on the market yet. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I hope no one asks me to show them the ropes; I have no idea where they are. Maybe I could pull… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
No one has to come see my shows who doesn't like me talking about white Christians. They are free not buy a… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I'm not in show business because I don't have to go to the meetings, I'm just not a part of it, I… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
What exactly is 'viewer discretion'? If viewers had discretion, most television shows would not be on the air. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
You show me a tropical fruit and I'll show you a cocksucker from Guatemala. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
The angles of my body show you an awful lot. I started doing coke to feel open, but by that time, the… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Language is a tool for concealing the truth. If we could read each other's minds, this would be a horror show. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
When you quit school at an early age, I think you have a lifelong need to show the world - and maybe… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Regarding local residents attempting to ban sex shops from their neighborhoods: You show me a parent who says he's worried about his… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
The writing is what gives me the joy, especially editing myself for the page, and getting something ready to show to the… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
When I listen to those tapes now, the real cocaine shows; there's just nothing special about their content. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Soft rock music isn't rock, and it ain't music. It's just soft. Reminds me of something my third-grade teacher said to us.… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I never go anywhere or do anything that transports me outside the boundaries of my mind. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Comedy, although it is not one of the fine arts - it's a vulgar art, it's one of the people's arts, it's the spoken… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. ... These two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“TOMORROW IS ANOTHER DAY. Not true. Today is another day. We have no idea what tomorrow is going to be. It might turn out… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I was a loner as a child. I had an imaginary friend - I didn't bother with him. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“If you guys want to get a MOM tattoo and save a little money, just get two letters done. Get about a one-inch capital… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it's a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday! — George Carlin Copy Share Image
It ended suddenly for Brenda, more slowly for me. My runs began getting shorter and less pleasurable. I'd feel bad after only one day,… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
The whole idea of the pursuit of goods and possessions has completely corrupted the human experience, along with religion, which I think limits the… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
