“Nipples—men have them, but don’t need them. Men—women have them, but don’t need them. Women—I don’t have them, but I need them.… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“With issues regarding nipples, I always try to stay abreast of the subject.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Pepperoni looks so much like nipples that I can’t eat pizza without getting horny.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If my nipples lactated mustard, I’d wear a bra made out of two hamburger buns.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If my nipples were restart buttons, I’d let you play with my buttocks.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Last night the secrets of the universe were revealed to me, and they had nipples.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’ll show the state of my nipples before asking, Is that all you’ve got, January?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Generally, competition is a good thing. But not when it’s between two nipples, specifically mine, over which one can suck the most.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If my moles migrated like tiny buffaloes, then I’d let you hunt on my skin and camp out on my nipples. We… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We have a love so pure that it makes snow seem yellow. (Don’t eat it!)” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Two similar words might lead to two similar ideas. They might also lead to the basement, which I recently converted into a dungeon/torture chamber.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“There’s only one piece of clothing I could eat fast, and that’s a scarf.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora, as yes is to yes. Yes is also the correct answer to “Will you marry me?” Other… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
