“I listen to AM radio in the AM, and AM radio for an AM audience in my PM (though it comes from… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“For better sleep tonight, pre-order your duck fight today. It’ll give your pillow the energy you need to power slumber through to… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
The morning always has a way of creeping up on me and peeking in my bedroom windows. The sunrise is such a… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“At five in the morning, I was half asleep. The whole left side of my body was taking a nap. Seems I’m… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The morning came pouring down on my night, but luckily I was able to convert my erection into an umbrella.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Every morning I think: What’s the latest I can sleep in ‘til, and still be on time for work? Well, I used… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The early morning is too strong to drink straight, so I need to mix in a little coffee to be able to… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“You've got to get up pretty early in the morning to beat me to my rooster costume.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“When someone insults me, I simply shut down. Then I open back up at 9 am the next morning.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I may not be able to remember your name, but I remember your address and what time you leave in the mornings.… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I suspect I’ll be suspicious for my whole life that Saturday night is sleeping with Sunday morning.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“This morning I ate a hamburger for breakfast, and then wept like a baby into an open jar of mayonnaise. I guess… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I had to be at work at 8 am this morning, so I set my alarm clock for 7:49. Naturally, my body… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A swimming pool full of coffee would be great to jump in first thing in the morning. After all, people often call… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I need to call it a night. But only because I don’t know what else to call it. What’s in between evening… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I tried to wear my shirt while it was still on the hanger. That’s just the kind of morning person I am… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We have a love so pure that it makes snow seem yellow. (Don’t eat it!)” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Two similar words might lead to two similar ideas. They might also lead to the basement, which I recently converted into a dungeon/torture chamber.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“There’s only one piece of clothing I could eat fast, and that’s a scarf.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora, as yes is to yes. Yes is also the correct answer to “Will you marry me?” Other… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
