Tonight's forecast: DARK. Continued mostly dark tonight, turning to wildly scattered light in the morning — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Weather forecast for tonight: dark. Continued dark overnight, with widely scattered light by morning. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
And this should go without saying. That's why I'm going to say it: Drinking and driving don't mix. Do your drinking early… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
When people asked me, "Do you get high to go onstage?" I could never understand the question. I mean, I'd been high… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
When people asked me, "Do you get high to go onstage?" I could never understand the question. I mean, I'd been high… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Somewhere in the world is a doctor who is worse than all other doctors...and someone has an appointment with him in the… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I was a stonehead for 30 years. I'd wake up in the morning and if I couldn't decide whether I wanted a… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I never took reds or Quaaludes to balance out the coke. So when it got to be four in the morning and… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I never go anywhere or do anything that transports me outside the boundaries of my mind. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Comedy, although it is not one of the fine arts - it's a vulgar art, it's one of the people's arts, it's the spoken… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. ... These two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“TOMORROW IS ANOTHER DAY. Not true. Today is another day. We have no idea what tomorrow is going to be. It might turn out… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I was a loner as a child. I had an imaginary friend - I didn't bother with him. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“If you guys want to get a MOM tattoo and save a little money, just get two letters done. Get about a one-inch capital… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it's a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday! — George Carlin Copy Share Image
It ended suddenly for Brenda, more slowly for me. My runs began getting shorter and less pleasurable. I'd feel bad after only one day,… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
The whole idea of the pursuit of goods and possessions has completely corrupted the human experience, along with religion, which I think limits the… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
