If finding an apartment is like falling in love, buying one is like proposing on your first date and agreeing not to… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
You meet people who say, "Oh, I'd like to do such-and-such, but I don't have the time." But it always seemed to… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
..she took pictures of germs, viruses, and people reacting to germs and viruses. On weekends, for extra money, she photographed weddings, which… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“One of the things we laughed about was an old episode of The Newlywed Game. The host asked the wives, “What’s the… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
I'm for gay elopement, not for gay weddings. I've been with my boyfriend for twenty years. I don't feel like that would… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
The good thing about being gay, though, I always believed, is that you didn't make anyone go to a wedding. Nobody wants… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
The interesting thing about gay people is that you can't really put on a wedding without them. They're the ones who make… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
The good thing about being gay was always that you didn't have a wedding. People would say, "He's gay, but at least… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“States vote to take away my marriage rights, and even though I don’t want to get married, it tends to hurt my… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“Plenty of animals had pets, but few were more devoted than the mouse, who owned a baby corn snake—“A rescue snake, she’d be quick… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“never fall asleep in a Dumpster, never underestimate a bee, never drive a convertible behind a flatbed truck, never get old, never get drunk… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“It was a father, one hand resting teapot-style on his hip, and the other - what would be the spout - formed into a… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“A Japanese woman we’d met in Paris came to the apartment yesterday and spent several hours explaining our appliances. The microwave, the water kettle,… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
One thing I like about the United States, and I kind of miss about the United States, is there's an election coming up here… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
When you read comic material and people aren't laughing how do you know they're listening. — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“You have how many children in your family?" the teacher would ask. "I'm guessing you must be Catholic, am I right?” — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“Like most seasoned phonies, I roundly suspect that everyone is as disingenuous as I am.” — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
As a child I assumed that when I reached adulthood, I would have grown-up thoughts. — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“You just take and take don´t you? Out there with your thumb in the air—not a care in the world, just grabbing whatever you… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
In other parts of the country people tried to stay together for the sake of the children. In New York they tried to work… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
My boyfriend got me a computer three years ago. I'll admit it does make things a lot easier. When I was working on a… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
