I can't seem to fathom that the things important to me are not important to other people as well, and so I… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
It's funny how certain objects convey a message - my washer and dryer, for example. They can't speak, of course, but whenever… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
I don't really do very well when I'm sent somewhere. A lot of magazines want to send you somewhere to do something.… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
My first semester I had only nine students. Hoping they might view me as professional and well prepared, I arrived bearing name… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
When her muzzle grew more white than brown, the chipmunk forgot that she and the squirrel had had nothing to talk about.… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
My family isn't really all that different from anyone else's. Well, maybe they're a bit more entertaining. — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
They're hungry for something they know nothing about, but we, we know all too well that the price of fame is the… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
I think I became a better writer after I started writing for the New Yorker. Well, I know I did. And part… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
Of course, the diary helps me as well. 'That wasn't your position on July 7, 1991,' I'll remind Hugh an hour after… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
Cover your glass in France or Germany --even worse, in England - and in the voice of someone who has personally affronted,… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
We were not a hugging people. In terms of emotional comfort it was our belief that no amount of physical contact could… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
I mean, I'm always happy if I have, like, humiliating asshole things that I did. I think: Oh good, that's a good… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
I think it's good to have the alone time. Well, I kind of have to, because I have to be alone in… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“Plenty of animals had pets, but few were more devoted than the mouse, who owned a baby corn snake—“A rescue snake, she’d be quick… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“never fall asleep in a Dumpster, never underestimate a bee, never drive a convertible behind a flatbed truck, never get old, never get drunk… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“It was a father, one hand resting teapot-style on his hip, and the other - what would be the spout - formed into a… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“A Japanese woman we’d met in Paris came to the apartment yesterday and spent several hours explaining our appliances. The microwave, the water kettle,… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
One thing I like about the United States, and I kind of miss about the United States, is there's an election coming up here… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
When you read comic material and people aren't laughing how do you know they're listening. — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“You have how many children in your family?" the teacher would ask. "I'm guessing you must be Catholic, am I right?” — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“Like most seasoned phonies, I roundly suspect that everyone is as disingenuous as I am.” — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
As a child I assumed that when I reached adulthood, I would have grown-up thoughts. — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“You just take and take don´t you? Out there with your thumb in the air—not a care in the world, just grabbing whatever you… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
In other parts of the country people tried to stay together for the sake of the children. In New York they tried to work… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
My boyfriend got me a computer three years ago. I'll admit it does make things a lot easier. When I was working on a… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
