“Something has changed, and now, when I look at my students, I see only people who are going to eat up my… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
I cry all the time when I watch 'Glee' because I don't know if it's satire or melodrama and that makes me… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“Every gathering has its moment. As an adult, I distract myself by trying to identify it, dreading the inevitable downsing that is… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
I've wasted a lot of time pretending to be interested in people who weren't terribly interesting. — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
I hoped our lives would continue this way forever, but inevitably the past came knocking. Not the good kind that was collectible… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“He spends a lot of time telling you how smart he is, which is odd because, if you’re truly all that bright,… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“It’s astonishing the amount of time that certain straight people devote to gay sex—trying to determine what goes where and how often.… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
Like anyone nostalgic for a time he didn't live through, I chose to weed out the little inconveniences: polio, say, or the… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
I tend to write things seven times before I show them to my editor. I write them seven times, then I take… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“This was for me one of those adult moments involving a choice. Do you shrug your shoulders and say, “I couldn’t get… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
My sister's the type who religiously watches the fear segments of her local Eyewitness News broadcasts, retaining nothing but the headline...Everything is… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
I rejected the word humorist for a long time because I thought that it meant you had, like, a cardigan sweater with… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“My confessions did nothing to alter this situation, but for the first time in my life I felt that somebody actually knew… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
I always used to reach for the cigarette when the phone rang, and I figured nobody would ever call me in Tokyo.… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
I was the type of person who was the question-asker. And not just genuine questions, I would ask a question so the… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“I look into the future and see my brother's face, impossibly middle-aged. His daughter has rejected all of his values, and stands… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“After a year, you realize it takes time to rail against injustice, time you might better spend questioning fondue or describing those… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
I think it just has to do with getting older and getting better at what it was I was doing, and that… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“You just take and take don´t you? Out there with your thumb in the air—not a care in the world, just grabbing… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
It's odd the things that people remember. Parents will arrange a birthday party, certain it will stick in your mind forever. You'll… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
You meet people who say, "Oh, I'd like to do such-and-such, but I don't have the time." But it always seemed to… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“On a recent flight from Tokyo to Beijing, at around the time that my lunch tray was taken away, I remembered that… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
Given enough time, I guess anything can look good. All it has to do is survive. — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“I wanted it, I wanted, I wanted, but the moment it was mine, it ceased to interest me.” — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“I think we’ve both seen this coming for a long… time. The only question left is… what are we going to do… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“I had no job at the time and was living off the cruel joke I referred to as my savings.” — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“I wanted it, I wanted it, I wanted it, but the moment it was mine, it ceased to interest me.” — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“She lit a cigarette and spent a moment identifying with the smoldering match.” — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“He has a point there, that’s harsh. Unfortunately, they never gave him a medal for it and as a result he brings… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
I go to the movies at least five times a week, and after a while everything becomes a blur to me. — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
I spend so much time like living in the past or the future. I mean, I think most people do, really. And… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“You have what we in France call ‘good time teeth,’” she said. “Why on earth would you want to change them?” “Um,… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“Neither were we allowed to choose what we ate. I have a friend whose seven-year-old will only consider something if it's white.… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
I love 'Glee.' I cry all the time when I watch 'Glee' because I don't know if it's satire or melodrama and… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
Every gathering has its moment. As an adult, I distract myself by trying to identify it, dreading the inevitable downswing that is… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
The difference between the first time I read something and the tenth time I read something is generally pretty profound. Even if… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
I think it's good to have the alone time. Well, I kind of have to, because I have to be alone in… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“For the first time in memory, I was unable to sleep not because I was anxious but because I was excited. To… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
I'm friends with a lot of writers and so many of them say how much they hate signings and how they leave… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
When forced to leave my house for an extended period of time, I take my typewriter with me, and together we endure… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“Plenty of animals had pets, but few were more devoted than the mouse, who owned a baby corn snake—“A rescue snake, she’d be quick… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“never fall asleep in a Dumpster, never underestimate a bee, never drive a convertible behind a flatbed truck, never get old, never get drunk… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“It was a father, one hand resting teapot-style on his hip, and the other - what would be the spout - formed into a… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“A Japanese woman we’d met in Paris came to the apartment yesterday and spent several hours explaining our appliances. The microwave, the water kettle,… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
One thing I like about the United States, and I kind of miss about the United States, is there's an election coming up here… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
When you read comic material and people aren't laughing how do you know they're listening. — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“You have how many children in your family?" the teacher would ask. "I'm guessing you must be Catholic, am I right?” — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“Like most seasoned phonies, I roundly suspect that everyone is as disingenuous as I am.” — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
As a child I assumed that when I reached adulthood, I would have grown-up thoughts. — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“You just take and take don´t you? Out there with your thumb in the air—not a care in the world, just grabbing whatever you… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
In other parts of the country people tried to stay together for the sake of the children. In New York they tried to work… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
My boyfriend got me a computer three years ago. I'll admit it does make things a lot easier. When I was working on a… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
