I had paid for my folly and, as a reward, was invited to take part in the nest builder’s performance piece. The… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
I'm for gay elopement, not for gay weddings. I've been with my boyfriend for twenty years. I don't feel like that would… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
whenever I read a passage that moves me, I transcribe it in my diary, hoping my fingers might learn what excellence feels… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
I am a person who feels guilty for crimes I have not committed, or have not committed in years. The police search… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
Every so often my life will feel like a story. It doesn't have to be a big thing; in fact, most often,… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
When someone tell me they illegally downloaded one of my audiobooks I think, Thanks a lot, Pal. When someone tells me they… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
Cover your glass in France or Germany --even worse, in England - and in the voice of someone who has personally affronted,… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
I was first published in the newspaper put out by School of The Art Institute of Chicago, where I was a student.… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
The trouble with aggressive nonsmokers is that they feel they are doing you a favor by not allowing you to smoke. They… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
Sometimes with 'The New Yorker,' they have grammar rules that just don't feel right in my mouth. — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
When you go to that other country you realize that in France and in England, you don't ask somebody what they do… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
Amy adored both the new look and the new person it allowed her to be. Following the photo shoot, she wore her… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“Plenty of animals had pets, but few were more devoted than the mouse, who owned a baby corn snake—“A rescue snake, she’d be quick… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“never fall asleep in a Dumpster, never underestimate a bee, never drive a convertible behind a flatbed truck, never get old, never get drunk… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“It was a father, one hand resting teapot-style on his hip, and the other - what would be the spout - formed into a… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“A Japanese woman we’d met in Paris came to the apartment yesterday and spent several hours explaining our appliances. The microwave, the water kettle,… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
One thing I like about the United States, and I kind of miss about the United States, is there's an election coming up here… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
When you read comic material and people aren't laughing how do you know they're listening. — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“You have how many children in your family?" the teacher would ask. "I'm guessing you must be Catholic, am I right?” — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“Like most seasoned phonies, I roundly suspect that everyone is as disingenuous as I am.” — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
As a child I assumed that when I reached adulthood, I would have grown-up thoughts. — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“You just take and take don´t you? Out there with your thumb in the air—not a care in the world, just grabbing whatever you… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
In other parts of the country people tried to stay together for the sake of the children. In New York they tried to work… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
My boyfriend got me a computer three years ago. I'll admit it does make things a lot easier. When I was working on a… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
