“It was a father, one hand resting teapot-style on his hip, and the other - what would be the spout - formed… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“She just happens to be my father, young man, and I'd appreciate it of you'd show her a little respect.” — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
There’s a lot I don’t tell my father when he calls asking after Amy. He wouldn’t understand that she has no interest… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“This grown man who now phones his father to say, "Motherfucker, I ain't seen pussy so long, I'd throw stones at it.” — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
It's odd the things that people remember. Parents will arrange a birthday party, certain it will stick in your mind forever. You'll… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“May 9, 1989 Again this year I made Mom a Mother's Day card. It reads: M is for the Morbid things you… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“In my house, our parents put us to bed with two simple words: “Shut up.” That was always the last thing we… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
He die one day, and then he go above of my head to live with your father." He weared the long hair,… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“We'd all turn our backs on privilege, but comfortably, the way you can when you still have access to it. No one… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“Unlike my father, who blindly churned out one canvas after another, I had real ideas about the artistic life. Seated at my… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“If I'd been burned alive because of bad grades, my parents would have killed me, especially my father, who meant well but… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“I’m sure my father said plenty of normal things to me when I was growing up, but what stuck, probably because he… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
After a few months in my parents' basement, I took an apartment near the state university, where I discovered both crystal methamphetamine… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
I gave my mother a matching set [of mugs] for Christmas, and she accepted them as graciously as possible, announcing that they… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“There are things you forget naturally-computer passwords, your father's continuing relationship with life-and then there are things you can't forget that you… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“The child opened her beak even wider, and the stork let out a moan. “It really wouldn’t hurt you to take an… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“Here I am, just turned fifty, and I forgot that my father isn’t dead yet!” — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“When a hurricane damaged my father's house, my brother rushed over with a gas grill, three coolers of beer, and an enormous… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“All these young mothers chauffeuring their volcanic three-year-olds through the grocery store. The child's name always sounds vaguely presidental, and he or… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“You're the man now,' she said to me after my father died, 'you're the man.' Then she turned to Popeye, our calico… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“What were you asleep? Helen would say as I opened the door. "I've been up since five." In her hand would be… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
For as long as I can remember, my father saved. He saves money, he saves disfigured sticks that resemble disfigured celebrities, and… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
If I were president, I would turn the tables and allow the fetus to abort its mother. — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
Whenever I write about my family, I start by getting my parent`s approval. I like to think I write about them with… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
Scream at the mangled leather carcass lying at the foot of the stairs, and my parents would roar with laughter. "That's what… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“Plenty of animals had pets, but few were more devoted than the mouse, who owned a baby corn snake—“A rescue snake, she’d be quick… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“never fall asleep in a Dumpster, never underestimate a bee, never drive a convertible behind a flatbed truck, never get old, never get drunk… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“It was a father, one hand resting teapot-style on his hip, and the other - what would be the spout - formed into a… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“A Japanese woman we’d met in Paris came to the apartment yesterday and spent several hours explaining our appliances. The microwave, the water kettle,… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
One thing I like about the United States, and I kind of miss about the United States, is there's an election coming up here… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
When you read comic material and people aren't laughing how do you know they're listening. — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“You have how many children in your family?" the teacher would ask. "I'm guessing you must be Catholic, am I right?” — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“Like most seasoned phonies, I roundly suspect that everyone is as disingenuous as I am.” — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
As a child I assumed that when I reached adulthood, I would have grown-up thoughts. — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“You just take and take don´t you? Out there with your thumb in the air—not a care in the world, just grabbing whatever you… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
In other parts of the country people tried to stay together for the sake of the children. In New York they tried to work… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
My boyfriend got me a computer three years ago. I'll admit it does make things a lot easier. When I was working on a… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
![“I gave my mother a matching set [of mugs] for…” quote by David Sedaris](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/e0a/david-sedaris-333_accepted_i-gave-my-mother-a-matching-set-of-mugs_1135011.jpg)
