I just looked at the pattern of my life, decided I didn't like it, and changed. — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
Watching him was like opening the door to a siniging telegram; you know it's supposed to be entertaining, but you can't get… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“For the first twenty years of my life, I rocked myself to sleep. It was a harmless enough hobby, but eventually, I… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
My feet are completely flat, but for most of my life they were still shaped like feet. Now, thanks to bunions, they're… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
Now, I like a church service, but this was one of those write-your-own-vows sorts of things. Neither of them had ever picked… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“To spend your days in the company of naked men - that was the life for me.” — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“Unlike my father, who blindly churned out one canvas after another, I had real ideas about the artistic life. Seated at my… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
I don't worry about being exposed. When I'm writing about myself I think about myself as a character. There is a ton… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“My confessions did nothing to alter this situation, but for the first time in my life I felt that somebody actually knew… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
Every so often my life will feel like a story. It doesn't have to be a big thing; in fact, most often,… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
Across town, over in the East Village, the graffiti was calling for the rich to be eaten, imprisoned, or taxed out of… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“Dad said that the guy who can play guitar is going to be the life of the party. He’s confusing life with… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
He looked as though his life had not only passed him by but paused along the way to spit in his face. — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
There are certain people in my life who didn't care to be in my book. And so I cut them out. And… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
Living in a foreign country is one of those things that everyone should try at least once. My understanding was that it… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
Besides, if I wanted to hear people speaking wall-to-wall French, all I had to do was remove my headphones and participate in… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
Each one of us is left to choose our own quality of life and take pleasure where we find it with the… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“I'd Begin to imagine my life in a foreign country, some faraway land where, if things went wrong, i could always blame… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“You’ve got her mad now and there’s no turning back. All she has to do is go to the authorities, saying you… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“What's wrong?" he said. "I'll tell you what's wrong: you're killing us." "But I thought that's what you wanted?" "We did," my… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“The real life of the party is flattened beneath the bed, taping actual sex encounters, not sitting cross-legged on the floor with… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
When you go to that other country you realize that in France and in England, you don't ask somebody what they do… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“I looked from face to face, exaggerating flaws and reminding myself that these boys did not like me. The hope was that… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“What if I’d wasted my entire life comparing myself with people who didn’t really matter? Try as I might, I still can’t… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“Plenty of animals had pets, but few were more devoted than the mouse, who owned a baby corn snake—“A rescue snake, she’d be quick… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“never fall asleep in a Dumpster, never underestimate a bee, never drive a convertible behind a flatbed truck, never get old, never get drunk… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“It was a father, one hand resting teapot-style on his hip, and the other - what would be the spout - formed into a… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“A Japanese woman we’d met in Paris came to the apartment yesterday and spent several hours explaining our appliances. The microwave, the water kettle,… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
One thing I like about the United States, and I kind of miss about the United States, is there's an election coming up here… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
When you read comic material and people aren't laughing how do you know they're listening. — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“You have how many children in your family?" the teacher would ask. "I'm guessing you must be Catholic, am I right?” — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“Like most seasoned phonies, I roundly suspect that everyone is as disingenuous as I am.” — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
As a child I assumed that when I reached adulthood, I would have grown-up thoughts. — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“You just take and take don´t you? Out there with your thumb in the air—not a care in the world, just grabbing whatever you… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
In other parts of the country people tried to stay together for the sake of the children. In New York they tried to work… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
My boyfriend got me a computer three years ago. I'll admit it does make things a lot easier. When I was working on a… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
