My boyfriend got me a computer three years ago. I'll admit it does make things a lot easier. When I was working… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
I'm for gay elopement, not for gay weddings. I've been with my boyfriend for twenty years. I don't feel like that would… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
It's odd the things that people remember. Parents will arrange a birthday party, certain it will stick in your mind forever. You'll… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
I am a person who feels guilty for crimes I have not committed, or have not committed in years. The police search… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
It makes me wonder sometimes. Remember a couple years ago, when Mexicans went on strike? It was talked about a little bit… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
My sister Tiffany told me years ago, 'You can never write about me.' Then she called six months ago and said she… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
The only bright spot in the entire evening was the presence of Kevin "Tubby" Matchwell, the eleven-year-old porker who tackled the role… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
The interesting thing about gay people is that you can't really put on a wedding without them. They're the ones who make… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
It can take years. With the first draft, I just write everything. With the second draft, it becomes so depressing for me,… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
I started writing when I was twenty, and my first book came out seventeen years later. — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
All of a sudden, when you're exposed to a large audience, they think you just started writing that day, but I started… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
I've been keeping a diary for thirty-three years and write in it every morning. Most of it's just whining, but every so… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
People discuss their relationships all the time, but you can't. I don't think people realize how harmful that is, how it twists… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“Plenty of animals had pets, but few were more devoted than the mouse, who owned a baby corn snake—“A rescue snake, she’d be quick… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“never fall asleep in a Dumpster, never underestimate a bee, never drive a convertible behind a flatbed truck, never get old, never get drunk… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“It was a father, one hand resting teapot-style on his hip, and the other - what would be the spout - formed into a… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“A Japanese woman we’d met in Paris came to the apartment yesterday and spent several hours explaining our appliances. The microwave, the water kettle,… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
One thing I like about the United States, and I kind of miss about the United States, is there's an election coming up here… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
When you read comic material and people aren't laughing how do you know they're listening. — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“You have how many children in your family?" the teacher would ask. "I'm guessing you must be Catholic, am I right?” — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“Like most seasoned phonies, I roundly suspect that everyone is as disingenuous as I am.” — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
As a child I assumed that when I reached adulthood, I would have grown-up thoughts. — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“You just take and take don´t you? Out there with your thumb in the air—not a care in the world, just grabbing whatever you… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
In other parts of the country people tried to stay together for the sake of the children. In New York they tried to work… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
My boyfriend got me a computer three years ago. I'll admit it does make things a lot easier. When I was working on a… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
