One thing I like about the United States, and I kind of miss about the United States, is there's an election coming… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
When you read comic material and people aren't laughing how do you know they're listening. — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
In other parts of the country people tried to stay together for the sake of the children. In New York they tried… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
I hated leaving a hole in the smoking world, and so I recruited someone to take my place. People have given me… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
I always say to young people, "Get the hell out of the United States." Especially if you're young, like if you're 21… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
Speed eliminates all doubt. Am I smart enough? Will people like me? Do I really look all right in this plastic jumpsuit? — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
I can't seem to fathom that the things important to me are not important to other people as well, and so I… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
I've wasted a lot of time pretending to be interested in people who weren't terribly interesting. — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
You know, when you need drugs and you don't have a lot of money, what you'll do is you'll hang out with… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
The drama bug strikes hardest with Jews, homosexuals and plump women who wear their hair in bangs. These are people who, for… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
In my dream world gay people in America would get the right to marry, and not a one of them would use… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
A lot of people don't know what they want, you know, or they're just kind of vague about it. — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
..she took pictures of germs, viruses, and people reacting to germs and viruses. On weekends, for extra money, she photographed weddings, which… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
I haven't got the slightest idea how to change people, but still I keep a long list of prospective candidates just in… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
I never got the idea of a punishing God, just a really boring one. To see people growing up in the Carolinas… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
It's odd the things that people remember. Parents will arrange a birthday party, certain it will stick in your mind forever. You'll… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
What's strange is, the people who want to be in the position are never asked to be in the position. Like, if… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
On one tour, I was collecting stories about pet monkeys. You'd be surprised how many people have stories about monkeys. The problem… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
Standing in a two-hour line makes people worry that they're not living in a democratic nation. People stand in line for two… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
Most people, or at least most of the people that I've come into contact with, would like to be written about. — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
Traveling across the United States, it's easy to see why Americans are often thought of as stupid. At the San Diego Zoo,… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
I would be writing and trying to write like Joan Didion. Or if I was reading Raymond Carver. You know, strong stylists.… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
No one reads to hear someone complain about the weather or how poorly their children are behaving. You have to give the… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“Plenty of animals had pets, but few were more devoted than the mouse, who owned a baby corn snake—“A rescue snake, she’d be quick… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“never fall asleep in a Dumpster, never underestimate a bee, never drive a convertible behind a flatbed truck, never get old, never get drunk… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“It was a father, one hand resting teapot-style on his hip, and the other - what would be the spout - formed into a… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“A Japanese woman we’d met in Paris came to the apartment yesterday and spent several hours explaining our appliances. The microwave, the water kettle,… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
One thing I like about the United States, and I kind of miss about the United States, is there's an election coming up here… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
When you read comic material and people aren't laughing how do you know they're listening. — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“You have how many children in your family?" the teacher would ask. "I'm guessing you must be Catholic, am I right?” — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“Like most seasoned phonies, I roundly suspect that everyone is as disingenuous as I am.” — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
As a child I assumed that when I reached adulthood, I would have grown-up thoughts. — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“You just take and take don´t you? Out there with your thumb in the air—not a care in the world, just grabbing whatever you… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
In other parts of the country people tried to stay together for the sake of the children. In New York they tried to work… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
My boyfriend got me a computer three years ago. I'll admit it does make things a lot easier. When I was working on a… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
