People ask if I miss it, but they don't understand that American culture is so ubiquitous that there's nothing to miss. I… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
In books and movies infidelity always looks so compelling, so right. Here are people who defy petty convention and are rewarded with… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
Famous people like to choose friends who won't go around repeating their conversations and details about them. — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
It makes me wonder sometimes. Remember a couple years ago, when Mexicans went on strike? It was talked about a little bit… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
My sister Tiffany told me years ago, 'You can never write about me.' Then she called six months ago and said she… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
The walking tour guides one through the city's various landmarks, reciting bits of information the listener might find enlightening. I learned, for… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
For as long as I can remember, my father saved. He saves money, he saves disfigured sticks that resemble disfigured celebrities, and… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
You meet people who say, "Oh, I'd like to do such-and-such, but I don't have the time." But it always seemed to… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
I meet people at book signings. My record now, for signing, is ten and a half hours in one sitting. — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
Hugh returned from his trip, and days later I still sounded like a Red Chinese asking questions about the democratic hinterlands. "And… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
There are certain people in my life who didn't care to be in my book. And so I cut them out. And… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
Writing gives you the illusion of control, and then you realize it's just an illusion, that people are going to bring their… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
I was the type of person who was the question-asker. And not just genuine questions, I would ask a question so the… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
At the morgue, people were so desensitized that they would eat lunch in the glass walled room adjacent to the autopsy room.… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
Whenever I write about my family, I start by getting my parent`s approval. I like to think I write about them with… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
Besides, if I wanted to hear people speaking wall-to-wall French, all I had to do was remove my headphones and participate in… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
I'm completely fascinated by the health-care debate going on in the United States, especially by posters of Obama with a little mustache… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
A zoo is a good place to make a spectacle of yourself, as the people around you have creepier, more photogenic things… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
I think if you write humor, then people don't - you know - they don't give you that much credit. They tend… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
The interesting thing about gay people is that you can't really put on a wedding without them. They're the ones who make… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
I attributed their behavior to the fact that they didn't have a TV, but television didn't teach you everything. Asking for candy… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
My hands tend to be full enough dealing with people who hate me for who I am. Concentrate too hard on the… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
People are often frightened of Parisians, but an American in Paris will find no harsher critic than another American. — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“Plenty of animals had pets, but few were more devoted than the mouse, who owned a baby corn snake—“A rescue snake, she’d be quick… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“never fall asleep in a Dumpster, never underestimate a bee, never drive a convertible behind a flatbed truck, never get old, never get drunk… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“It was a father, one hand resting teapot-style on his hip, and the other - what would be the spout - formed into a… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“A Japanese woman we’d met in Paris came to the apartment yesterday and spent several hours explaining our appliances. The microwave, the water kettle,… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
One thing I like about the United States, and I kind of miss about the United States, is there's an election coming up here… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
When you read comic material and people aren't laughing how do you know they're listening. — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“You have how many children in your family?" the teacher would ask. "I'm guessing you must be Catholic, am I right?” — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“Like most seasoned phonies, I roundly suspect that everyone is as disingenuous as I am.” — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
As a child I assumed that when I reached adulthood, I would have grown-up thoughts. — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“You just take and take don´t you? Out there with your thumb in the air—not a care in the world, just grabbing whatever you… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
In other parts of the country people tried to stay together for the sake of the children. In New York they tried to work… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
My boyfriend got me a computer three years ago. I'll admit it does make things a lot easier. When I was working on a… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
