His embarassment would have pleased me, but once he recovered, there would be that awkward period that sometimes culminates in a handshake.… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
I love getting attention, just like a child loves it, and it's never worn off. So when people say, oh the book… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
When I look at a lot of older stuff that I've written, I think one sign of amateur humor writing is when… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
We were not a hugging people. In terms of emotional comfort it was our belief that no amount of physical contact could… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
Sometimes people say, do you want a drink? And I say, oh, I'd like to, but I'm a tragic alcoholic. I always… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
I don't write about sex because it's not really my subject. I love it when other people write about it, but it's… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
What can you say about the family who is suing the railroad after their drunk son was killed walking on the tracks?… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
The good thing about England - like, if I were in France, all people would be doing is rubbing my nose in… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
I mean, I'm always happy if I have, like, humiliating asshole things that I did. I think: Oh good, that's a good… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
The good thing about being gay was always that you didn't have a wedding. People would say, "He's gay, but at least… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
She said, “I’m going to have you fired.” I had two people say that to me today, “I’m going to have you… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
I’d always been afraid of sick people, and so had my mother. It wasn’t that we feared catching their brain aneurysm or… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
Kools and Newports were for black people and lower-class whites. Camels were for procrastinators, those who wrote bad poetry, and those who… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
Amy adored both the new look and the new person it allowed her to be. Following the photo shoot, she wore her… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
Most people would have found it grotesque, but when you're in love nothing is so abstract or horrible that it can't be… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
I'm the most important person in the lives of almost everyone I know and a good number of the people I've never… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
People ask me, 'Have you ever considered doing stand-up?' To me it would be less offensive if someone asked me, 'Have you… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
I've always had a way with the little people, making it a point to humor them without looking down my nose at… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
I've maintained old friendships, like with people I knew in the nineteen-seventies, but have lost the knack for meeting new people. This… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
On a busy day twenty-two thousand people come to visit Santa, and I was told that it is an elf's lot to… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
I met a young woman the other day, and she said, what advice would you have for a writer, and I said… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
Remember that the most important thing is to try and love other people as much as they love you. — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
Even as a child I was fascinated by death, not in a spiritual sense, but in an aesthetic one. A hamster or… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“Plenty of animals had pets, but few were more devoted than the mouse, who owned a baby corn snake—“A rescue snake, she’d be quick… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“never fall asleep in a Dumpster, never underestimate a bee, never drive a convertible behind a flatbed truck, never get old, never get drunk… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“It was a father, one hand resting teapot-style on his hip, and the other - what would be the spout - formed into a… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“A Japanese woman we’d met in Paris came to the apartment yesterday and spent several hours explaining our appliances. The microwave, the water kettle,… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
One thing I like about the United States, and I kind of miss about the United States, is there's an election coming up here… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
When you read comic material and people aren't laughing how do you know they're listening. — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“You have how many children in your family?" the teacher would ask. "I'm guessing you must be Catholic, am I right?” — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“Like most seasoned phonies, I roundly suspect that everyone is as disingenuous as I am.” — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
As a child I assumed that when I reached adulthood, I would have grown-up thoughts. — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“You just take and take don´t you? Out there with your thumb in the air—not a care in the world, just grabbing whatever you… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
In other parts of the country people tried to stay together for the sake of the children. In New York they tried to work… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
My boyfriend got me a computer three years ago. I'll admit it does make things a lot easier. When I was working on a… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
