“It really is torture to sit around the house and write all day. I’m thinking it might motivate me to finish the… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
I cry all the time when I watch 'Glee' because I don't know if it's satire or melodrama and that makes me… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
In America, if your next-door neighbor has a Rolls-Royce, you want one too. But in England, if your neighbor has a Rolls-Royce,… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
I've always been very upfront about the way I write, and I've always used the tools humorists use, such as exaggeration. — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
There are lots of things that happen to me that I don't write about. — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
She's afraid to tell me anything important, knowing I'll only turn around and write about it. In my mind, I'm like a… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
I think it just has to do with getting older and getting better at what it was I was doing, and that… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
I tend to write things seven times before I show them to my editor. I write them seven times, then I take… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
I don't worry about being exposed. When I'm writing about myself I think about myself as a character. There is a ton… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
I felt uncomfortable calling myself a writer until I started with 'The New Yorker,' and then I was like, 'Okay, now you… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
I started writing one afternoon when I was twenty, and ever since then I have written every day. At first I had… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
It was my friend Frank, a writer in San Francisco, who finally set me straight. When asked about my new look he… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
Sometimes you read something and it's just -- it doesn't invite a reader....Sometimes you read something and it's not saying, 'oh come… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
Most people, or at least most of the people that I've come into contact with, would like to be written about. — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
There is a reason there is no such thing as a folk writer. But to be a writer you have learn what… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
I would be writing and trying to write like Joan Didion. Or if I was reading Raymond Carver. You know, strong stylists.… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
No one reads to hear someone complain about the weather or how poorly their children are behaving. You have to give the… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
A good [short story] would take me out of myself and then stuff me back in, outsized, now, and uneasy with the… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
I'm so old that when I started keeping a diary they were in actual books, and I think that's one the reasons… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
I like high school and college writing textbooks and find them very helpful. Whenever I'm stuck and seem to have no ideas,… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
I think I became a better writer after I started writing for the New Yorker. Well, I know I did. And part… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
There's no such thing as a folk writer. There's no such thing as somebody who's never read a book before suddenly sitting… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
Writing gives you the illusion of control, and then you realize it's just an illusion, that people are going to bring their… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“Plenty of animals had pets, but few were more devoted than the mouse, who owned a baby corn snake—“A rescue snake, she’d be quick… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“never fall asleep in a Dumpster, never underestimate a bee, never drive a convertible behind a flatbed truck, never get old, never get drunk… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“It was a father, one hand resting teapot-style on his hip, and the other - what would be the spout - formed into a… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“A Japanese woman we’d met in Paris came to the apartment yesterday and spent several hours explaining our appliances. The microwave, the water kettle,… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
One thing I like about the United States, and I kind of miss about the United States, is there's an election coming up here… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
When you read comic material and people aren't laughing how do you know they're listening. — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“You have how many children in your family?" the teacher would ask. "I'm guessing you must be Catholic, am I right?” — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“Like most seasoned phonies, I roundly suspect that everyone is as disingenuous as I am.” — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
As a child I assumed that when I reached adulthood, I would have grown-up thoughts. — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“You just take and take don´t you? Out there with your thumb in the air—not a care in the world, just grabbing whatever you… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
In other parts of the country people tried to stay together for the sake of the children. In New York they tried to work… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
My boyfriend got me a computer three years ago. I'll admit it does make things a lot easier. When I was working on a… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image