I tend to show everything I do to my family, to check they won't be offended. — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
My family isn't really all that different from anyone else's. Well, maybe they're a bit more entertaining. — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“You have how many children in your family?" the teacher would ask. "I'm guessing you must be Catholic, am I right?” — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
What can you say about the family who is suing the railroad after their drunk son was killed walking on the tracks?… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
Whenever I write about my family, I start by getting my parent's approval. I like to think I write about them with… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“Certain motherfuckers think they can fuck with my shit, but you can't kill the Rooster. You might can fuck him up some… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“The slumber party took place in what the Methodists called a family room, the Catholics used as an extra bedroom, and the… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
We're not unique in our family. We're more ambitious but we're not special. I'm not funnier than anyone else in my family;… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“February 16, 1988 Reasons to live: 1. Christmas 2. The family beach trip 3. Writing a published book 4. Seeing my name… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“Someone in our family had taken to wiping his or her ass on the bath towels. What made this exceptionally disturbing was… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
The difference between writing where you know where to draw the line and writing where you're being way too mean is whether… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“My mother was, for the most part, delighted with my brother and regarded him with the bemused curiosity of a brood hen… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“The better country club operated on the principle that Raleigh mattered, that its old families were fine ones, and that they needed… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“Plenty of animals had pets, but few were more devoted than the mouse, who owned a baby corn snake—“A rescue snake, she’d be quick… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“never fall asleep in a Dumpster, never underestimate a bee, never drive a convertible behind a flatbed truck, never get old, never get drunk… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“It was a father, one hand resting teapot-style on his hip, and the other - what would be the spout - formed into a… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“A Japanese woman we’d met in Paris came to the apartment yesterday and spent several hours explaining our appliances. The microwave, the water kettle, the electric bathtub: everything blinks and bleeps and calls out in the middle of the night. I’d wondered what the rice maker was carrying on about, and Reiko told us that it was on a timer… — David Sedaris Copy Share
One thing I like about the United States, and I kind of miss about the United States, is there's an election coming up here in England, but no one's going to have a sign in front of their house. Nobody's going to wear buttons. And in France, same thing. In America I like that people have signs and buttons and… — David Sedaris Copy Share
When you read comic material and people aren't laughing how do you know they're listening. — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“You have how many children in your family?" the teacher would ask. "I'm guessing you must be Catholic, am I right?” — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“Like most seasoned phonies, I roundly suspect that everyone is as disingenuous as I am.” — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
As a child I assumed that when I reached adulthood, I would have grown-up thoughts. — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“You just take and take don´t you? Out there with your thumb in the air—not a care in the world, just grabbing whatever you… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
In other parts of the country people tried to stay together for the sake of the children. In New York they tried to work… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
My boyfriend got me a computer three years ago. I'll admit it does make things a lot easier. When I was working on a… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
