Abstract Quote by David Sedaris

“Plenty of animals had pets, but few were more devoted than the mouse, who owned a baby corn snake—“A rescue snake, she’d be quick…

— David Sedaris

“never fall asleep in a Dumpster, never underestimate a bee, never drive a convertible behind a flatbed truck, never get old, never get drunk…

— David Sedaris

“It was a father, one hand resting teapot-style on his hip, and the other - what would be the spout - formed into a…

— David Sedaris

“A Japanese woman we’d met in Paris came to the apartment yesterday and spent several hours explaining our appliances. The microwave, the water kettle,…

— David Sedaris

One thing I like about the United States, and I kind of miss about the United States, is there's an election coming up here…

— David Sedaris

When you read comic material and people aren't laughing how do you know they're listening.

— David Sedaris

“You have how many children in your family?" the teacher would ask. "I'm guessing you must be Catholic, am I right?”

— David Sedaris

“Like most seasoned phonies, I roundly suspect that everyone is as disingenuous as I am.”

— David Sedaris

As a child I assumed that when I reached adulthood, I would have grown-up thoughts.

— David Sedaris

“You just take and take don´t you? Out there with your thumb in the air—not a care in the world, just grabbing whatever you…

— David Sedaris

In other parts of the country people tried to stay together for the sake of the children. In New York they tried to work…

— David Sedaris

My boyfriend got me a computer three years ago. I'll admit it does make things a lot easier. When I was working on a…

— David Sedaris