I'm one of those people who tells my wife, "No coaching from the sidelines." — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
If it weren't for marriage, men and women would have to fight with total strangers. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
“You came to a strip club with a woman who is not your fiancée, and a gorilla on your wedding day.” — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Sign at a Kentucky appliance store: Don't kill your wife. Let our washing machine do the dirty work. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
What's happened to marriage? The wedding-industrial complex. Brides get swept up in this world of obsession - it has to be your… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Dating means doing a lot of fun things you will never do again if you get married. The fun stops with marriage… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
My wife, like many women, actually LIKES wrapping things. If she gives you a gift that requires batteries, she wraps the batteries… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
The one thing I'm terrified of trying to write about is sex. I mean my God, my wife might read it or… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Weddings are crazy. When you get right down to it, a wedding is a party, and not an important party, really. But… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Most married couples, even though they love each other very much in theory, tend to view each other in practice as large… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Men have no cause to criticize women about the way they are about weddings. Because men are like that about sports, but… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Most married couples, even though they love each other very much in theory, tend to view each other in practice as large… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
As you get older; you've probably noticed that you tend to forget things. You'll be talking with somebody at a party, and… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Professional marriage counselors agree that the most productive and mature way to deal with marital anger is to stomp dramatically from the… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
“Very Important: During this sensitive postpartum time, you must be very careful not to say anything negative about your wife’s appearance. On… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
You can be the smartest person in the world - which Bill Clinton is, and if he's not, his wife is -… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
I believe it was Shakespeare, or possibly Howard Cosell, who first observed that marriage is very much like a birthday candle, in… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
This is true; virtually all edible substances, and many automotive products, are now marketed as being low-fat or fat-free. Americans are obsessed with fat… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
This ball was so crowded that it took me - a trained professional journalist with vast experience in this area - forty five minutes… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
The hardest thing about being a guy is that women don't accept that you really are just a simple, pathetic, labrador retriever-like creature. That… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Entire new continent can emerge from the ocean in the time it takes for a Web page to show up on your screen. Contrary… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
The major parties could conduct live human sacrifices on their podiums during prime time, and I doubt that anybody would notice. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
If you look at any list of great modern writers such as Ernest Hemingway, William Faulkner, and F. Scott Fitzgerald, you'll notice two things… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Don't you wish you had a job like mine? All you have to do is think up a certain number of words! Plus, you… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
“Despite the gulf, physical and cultural, between the United States and Japan, both societies are, in the end, made up of people, and people… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Before going on a diet you should consult your doctor, or at least send him some money. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
