“The last time I saw love was in my imagination while reading a book on Thomas Jefferson. Isn’t the Constitution of the… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The last time I went speed dating, I brought a radar gun. I got clocked at over 70 miles per hour.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“You’re already older than the last time I saw you, and I just saw you right before I blinked.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The last time somebody pointed out that cowboys ride horses, not tricycles, I shot him. Of course, I waited until another gunslinger… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I don’t want to find the Fountain of Youth, because I’m searching for the Fountain of Wisdom. The last time I thought… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I like to meet people and pretend I’ll never see them again. I tend to value things more if I think it’s… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I won't discuss non-discussable things with her, like the sound of silence or the vertical dimensions of an awkward moment. Those sorts… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The price of gold is up 14 fold since last time I tried unfolding it. And laundry has declined two folds.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The last time I was there was the first time I was there, but it’s not the last time I’ll go there,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I can’t remember the last time I had fun. Wait, yes I can. It was 1989, and I was wearing a t-shirt… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The diner was more twiner than Twain, and I found a mustache in my soup. Maybe it was Mark’s. I guess that’s… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My dreams have wings. But not soaring eagle wings, more like the wings of a butterfly—colorful and easily ripped off. The last… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We have a love so pure that it makes snow seem yellow. (Don’t eat it!)” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Two similar words might lead to two similar ideas. They might also lead to the basement, which I recently converted into a dungeon/torture chamber.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“There’s only one piece of clothing I could eat fast, and that’s a scarf.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora, as yes is to yes. Yes is also the correct answer to “Will you marry me?” Other… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
