Last time I tried to make love to my wife nothing happened, so I said to her, 'What's the matter, you can't… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
My wife is so fat that the last time I saw something that big it was grazing. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
I said to a girl I'd been seeing, come home with me, honey, and I'll show you where it's at. She said,… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
Getting older is tough. I remember the last time I felt an erection. It was at the movies. The only trouble is,… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
For Christmas one year I bought my son a BB gun. He bought me a t-shirt with a bulls eye on the back. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
I knew a girl so ugly, she had a face like a saint-a Saint Bernard! — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
Every time I get in an elevator, the operator says the same thing to me: `Basement?' — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
She failed her drivers test. She couldn't get used to the front seat. It took her four lessons to learn to sit up. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
I tell ya when I was a kid, all I knew was rejection. My yo-yo, it never came back. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
I don't care how rich and successful a man is. He's nothing without an education. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
What a childhood I had. My parents sent me to a child psychiatrist. The kid didn't help me at all. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
One night I came home. I figured, let my wife come on. I'll play it cool. Let her make the first move. She went… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
