I literally didn't know my father. My mother had been a secretary, and after she and my father split, she went back… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know? If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I find that an entertainer is quite content to sit still, and I think an artist always has a little motion, always… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Let me get a sip of water here...you figure this stuff is safe to drink? Actually, I don't care, I drink it… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
As much as I love my family, I enjoy it when the house is empty, because then I know I'm truly alone,… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Someone said, and rightfully, that "property is theft'." There's no way a man can stand and tell me that he owns an… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I never go anywhere or do anything that transports me outside the boundaries of my mind. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Comedy, although it is not one of the fine arts - it's a vulgar art, it's one of the people's arts, it's the spoken… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. ... These two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“TOMORROW IS ANOTHER DAY. Not true. Today is another day. We have no idea what tomorrow is going to be. It might turn out… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I was a loner as a child. I had an imaginary friend - I didn't bother with him. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“If you guys want to get a MOM tattoo and save a little money, just get two letters done. Get about a one-inch capital… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it's a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday! — George Carlin Copy Share Image
It ended suddenly for Brenda, more slowly for me. My runs began getting shorter and less pleasurable. I'd feel bad after only one day,… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
The whole idea of the pursuit of goods and possessions has completely corrupted the human experience, along with religion, which I think limits the… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
