Jokes Quotes · Page 37

We don't write jokes or anything, the furthest we'll go is we'll repeat certain jokes for the camera.

— David Dobrik

I can't defend someone else's jokes. I can only defend my jokes, and I have to live with my own jokes.

— Jeff Ross

Your mama so fat, I took a picture with her last christmas and it's still printing.

— Anonymous

It's easy for someone to joke about scars if they've never been cut.

— William Shakespeare

I love inside jokes. I hope to be a part of one some day.

— Michael Scott

It doesn't feel like you're preaching, if you can say something in a joke.

— Martin McDonagh

There is nothing in the world so incomprehensible as the joke we do not see.

— Agnes Repplier

Most practical jokes, I'll feel too bad for the other person so I'll stop just before the punchline.

— Larry David

There's no real formula for doing it, it's either just living life and writing down a joke you think of in the…

— Jeff Dunham

But it's fun to be something, have that, and you don't have to be real. It's like, comedians. They go on and…

— Parker Posey

One would understand a ban on surrogate advertising, but to completely ban [smoking] is ridiculous, a joke taken too far.

— Mahesh Bhatt

I think any decent comedy worth its salt has to have heart, otherwise it's just a bunch of jokes. I think people…

— Tom Bennett

The act of sex, gratifying as it may be, is God's joke on humanity. It is man's last desperate stand at superintendency.

— Bette Davis

The people that become the biggest jokes are people who do not change. They stay the way they were in the past.…

— Corey Feldman

I love hanging around folks that love to crack jokes and pay their bills lol, and must love Baskin Robbins lol ctfu

— Joe Collins Jr

It's the nature of cable news that we [TV hosts] do a lot of clipping and quoting of other broadcasts and outlets,…

— Chris Hayes

Although I knew enough Freud to believe that the sex urge was an important mainspring of life, it still seemed to me…

— Paul Bowles

“Sooner or later, all talk among foreigners in Pyongyang turns to one imponderable subject. Do the locals really believe what they are…

— Christopher Hitchens

My work is a matter of fundamental sounds (no joke intended) made as fully as possible, and I accept responsibility for nothing…

— Samuel Beckett

The real joke that history played on American women is not the one that makes people snigger, with cheap Freudian sophistication, at…

— Betty Friedan

These endless legal challenges that define elections in New York are a joke in this country, and they are the reason why…

— Michael Bloomberg

Is there any other democracy where the voters are as spoiled as they are in the United States? Especially, of course, in…

— Michael Kinsley

I have this natural thing in my head that when I sit down to write something serious, I tend to make jokes.…

— Justin Simien

There's nothing like being in fashion. A man that has once got his character up for a wit is always sure of…

— Washington Irving

Remember, the Legislature is the joke, not our campaign.

— Kinky Friedman

If nothing is delightful without love and jokes, then live in love and jokes.

— Horace

I'm offended by political jokes. Too often they get elected.

— Henny Youngman

The fastest way to meet new people is to pick up somebody else's change at a cocktail bar.

— Sam Ewing

It would be really hard to get serious about anything political today unless it was a joke.

— Carla Bley

Sure, retarded jokes write themselves. But the spelling is always way off.

— Anthony Jeselnik

I could never make a joke about somebody unless I could say it to their face and they'd laugh.

— Margaret Cho

Some jokes are not made to laugh, they're created by those who just want to bark !!

— Senoraroy

At some point, you realize that people might be laughing at your jokes because they're afraid not to laugh.

— Tina Fey

“I was a lazy reader as a kid. One nutrition label on a box of Cap’n Crunch and I’d have to take…

— M.J. McGuire

I tell a lot of fart and poop jokes. I can't help it. I have no filter, and it just comes out.

— Tyler Posey

My mom says pigs dont eat biscuits¦ So I better take that one out of your hand.

— Curly

“Don't be ridiculous. Brussels sprouts are awful. Jail is just jail.”

— Mora Early

It was almost funny. Life seemed downright accidental in its brevity, and death a punch line to a lousy joke.

— Maureen Johnson

You don't have to think really hard to get the joke. I think humor in general appeals to all people.

— Dave Barry

If your dick was as big as your mouth I might would have been impressed.

— Anonymous