“Whenever they are condemning weaves or breast implants, some people speak so passionately that their false teeth almost fall out.” — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
What is the difference between a blonde and a mosquito? The mosquito stops sucking after you slap it. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
We are living in the machine age. For the first time in history the comedian has been compelled to supply himself with… — Fred Allen Copy Share Image
Like everyone is either, "I grew up with it," or "I loved it," or loved them now. And when you watch The… — Nicholas Stoller Copy Share Image
What makes a good animated movie is being able to balance adult and knowing in-jokes and also just out and out funny… — Benedict Cumberbatch Copy Share Image
I think you can be politically incorrect, but there's some responsibility with that. You've got to make sure that you are not… — Sacha Baron Cohen Copy Share Image
I like to wear a "Do Not Disturb" sign around my neck so that little kids can't tell me knock-knock jokes. "Hey,… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
I'm not used to be the adult. I'm not very good at being the adult. To some regard, I wanted to just… — Jamie Linden Copy Share Image
Do you want me to apologize after every joke? If it doesn't offend somebody it's probably not a joke. It's probably an… — Jeff Ross Copy Share Image
If climbing the highest mountain on earth is the only way for him to be mine.. then I'd rather go shopping! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Hey! D'you guys hear Dr. Atkins died? Slipped on some ice, hit his head, died on life support. The man who invented… — Christopher Titus Copy Share Image
“I be dog if hit don't look like sometimes that when a fellow sets out to play a joke, hit ain't another… — William Faulkner Copy Share Image
To most ... of us, Russia was as mysterious and remote as the other side of the moon and not much more… — Herbert York Copy Share Image
Sure I do a lot of jokes about Anne Frank. But when you do those jokes, it makes people remember what happened… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
White parents use time out. My mom used a different type of time out. She'd be like, 'There...take time out to pick… — Martin Lawrence Copy Share Image
I walk with God, and He protects me. That may very well be true. I don't mean to make that sound like… — Dan Harmon Copy Share Image
I am so happy that I married a comedy writer. He's never not without a joke. No matter where we are. — Christa Miller Copy Share Image
Good jokes are gems. A good idea is hard to come by. I couldn't give them to someone else, even for money.… — Steven Wright Copy Share Image
The most profound indication of social malignancy ... no sense of humor. None of the monoliths could take a joke. — Edward Albee Copy Share Image
There was a time when "sound as a dollar" was a description, not a joke. — Ronald Reagan Copy Share Image
“The day I understand what's going on in her psychotic little brain they'll have to lock me in a psych ward.” — J. Gabriel Gates Copy Share Image
When somebody mangles one of my jokes, that bothers me more than somebody saying that I'm the worst comedian ever. — Hannibal Buress Copy Share Image
Comedy is similar to hockey... in only one way. You get a lot of credit for assists. So I try to serve… — Johnny Galecki Copy Share Image
