“Whether it is big or small, the size of a poor man’s yard incessantly reminds him that he is poor.” — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
Mostly all famous inventions start off as an accidents. For instance, my invention of running over cats. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
My friends joke that I raised the Titanic and never left the Rockies. — Clive Cussler Copy Share Image
If the loser keeps his smile, the winner will loose the thrill of victory. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I write for Reader's Digest. It's not hard. All you do is copy out an article and mail it in again. — Milt Kamen Copy Share Image
“what came first the chicken or the egg? The chicken. That is how it got knocked up in the first place.” — Teresa Mummert Copy Share Image
Democrats are like a big tortoise that's on its back and can't get up; you can't make jokes about that. — Lewis Black Copy Share Image
Women don't have a sense of humor. They don't need one. The Almighty made them as a permanent joke on men. From… — Loretta Chase Copy Share Image
Part of what I do comes from the fact that I don't know any jokes to tell. And when I do they're… — Paul Reubens Copy Share Image
“A joke is a witticism or play on words that’s meant to be funny. I say ‘meant to be’ because most jokes… — Michael Monroe Copy Share Image
I enjoy watching a woman with really bad teeth and a good sense of humor struggling to use her lips and tongue… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“I only need to write about 3,000 one-liners a day to produce a million jokes a year. Simple. I’ll just get started… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
It's difficult to talk to people who whisper even at home, afraid of Americans eavesdropping on them. It's not a figure of… — Vladimir Putin Copy Share Image
Something is mighty wrong with our priorities when professing Christian men joke about their wives, joke about their children, and joke about… — Doug Phillips Copy Share Image
“it will be generally found that the popular joke is not true to the letter, but is true to the spirit. The… — G.K. Chesterton Copy Share Image
Life compulsively dangled the possibility of life. Life, the dramatist on speed. Life, that couldn't stop with its foreshadows and ironies and… — Glen Duncan Copy Share Image
I met the guy who started off the whole Babuji jokes. I removed my chappal the moment I saw him. But that… — Alok Nath Copy Share Image
I never do a whole new set of new material. I do one new joke at a time, and I wedge it… — Jim Jefferies Copy Share Image
Well, I am not always joking, sometimes I am serious. But some people always expect you to be funny. If you were… — Dom Irrera Copy Share Image
Chennai is one of the scariest crowds to face. Everyone looks so conservative, but once you crack the first joke, they are… — Vir Das Copy Share Image
Nobody was perfect. Not even close. And everybody had wrinkles from smiling and squinting and craining their necks. Everybody has marks on… — Katherine Center Copy Share Image
Every day, there'd be somebody interviewing me as a "lesbian living in Russia." It got to the point where I would joke… — Masha Gessen Copy Share Image
The only people who live in a post-black world are four people who live in a little white house on Pennsylvania Avenue.… — Henry Louis Gates Copy Share Image
I'm not a standup. I don't really have jokes. I don't have 10 minutes. It took a while for me to realize this. — Julia Sweeney Copy Share Image
It's hard to enjoy practical jokes when your whole life feels like one. — Rick Riordan Copy Share Image
Specifically in stand-up, I love jokes. I love short, structured ideas and a punchline. — Demetri Martin Copy Share Image
Im not saying I hate ya but if you happen to get hit by a bus, I might be the one driving.. — Kevin McCarty Copy Share Image
I like to joke with my wife that she's the CEO of... certainly of our household. — Scott Pruett Copy Share Image
If someone stole your tweet just write 50 more tweets or have them murdered. Simple. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Fashion has become a joke. The designers have forgotten that there are women inside the dresses. — Coco Chanel Copy Share Image
I am the illegal alien of commentary. I will do the jokes that no one else will do. — Ann Coulter Copy Share Image
John Deere's manure spreader is the only equipment the company won't stand behind. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
The Grand Old Duke of York He had ten thousand men. His case comes up next week. — Spike Milligan Copy Share Image
What's the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts? Beer nuts are $1.50 and deer nuts are under a buck. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Sometimes I want to joke but my English isn't perfect. Sometimes people are wondering what I'm talking about. — Alexander Ovechkin Copy Share Image
I grew up in Florida and went to school there, and ended up going to University of Central Florida. — Daniel Tosh Copy Share Image
