“I’m relieved to see that even brilliant physicists make mistakes.” Kohler looked over. “What do you mean?” “Whoever wrote that note made… — Dan Brown Copy Share Image
Sometimes a joke that doesn't work just needs a breath or a little word or the tiniest little change to be fixed. — Sarah Silverman Copy Share Image
When life gives you lemons, find someone who has vodka and throw a party. — Charith Thilina Copy Share Image
I know the look of an apple that is roasting and sizzling on the hearth on a winter's evening, and I know… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
I don't want to make compromises. I want my little silly jokes to be told with the correct punch line, and I'm… — Grant Hart Copy Share Image
When NASA first started sending astronauts up, they quicky discovered that ball pens won't work in zero gravity. . To overcome this… — VincentGangte Copy Share Image
I started over again with an image: Nothing goes right. Then when The Godfather came out, all I heard was, Show respect.… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
Theres no amount of money that makes you feel better when people think of you as a joke or a hack or… — Patrick Stump Copy Share Image
I've never considered stand-up. Luckily I'm given great lines to say. I'm not sure how great my timing would be if I… — Emma Caulfield Copy Share Image
I cut my teeth playing rock songs on the accordion when I was a teenager and my friends always thought that was… — Al Yankovic Copy Share Image
“Your wife is a big hippo! My face is melting! My face is meltinnnnggg!” — Terry Pratchett Copy Share Image
Making jokes is about the most wrong and stupid thing a bemused, middle-aged, white heterosexual Anglo Saxon sort of Celt Australian male… — Michael Leunig Copy Share Image
There is no 'magic water' that you can rub on a script to make the jokes funnier. — Graham Linehan Copy Share Image
Yo mama is so stupid, she got stranded inside Walmart, slept on the floor and starved to death — Anonymous Copy Share Image
What people who don't write don't understand is that they think you make up the line consciously — but you don't. It… — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
All it takes is one bad day to reduce the sanest man alive to lunacy. That's how far the world is from… — Alan Moore Copy Share Image
The United State has a net worth against which our debt is a joke ... we wrote in 2008 the United States… — George Friedman Copy Share Image
I loved the idea that I could write a joke and someone else would have to take the risk of performing it. — Judd Apatow Copy Share Image
I'm the youngest of four, and I'm always the clown - making the jokes, wanting attention. — Rose Byrne Copy Share Image
Sometimes when I do a joke and it doesn't get a lot of laughs, it kind of feels like I'm doing jazz.… — Mike Birbiglia Copy Share Image
Last christmas my sister, Geri, gave me a lovely Cloth calendar. It only took me 5 hours to sew in a Doctor's appointment... — Robert Paul Copy Share Image
