Ifs Quotes by Jeff Foxworthy · Page 4

You might be a redneck if your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.

— Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if you've ever worn a dress that is strapless with a bra that isn't.

— Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if you consider a six-pack and a bug-zapper high-quality entertainment.

— Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if you refer to the time you won a free case of oil as the day my…

— Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if you were shooting pool when your kids were born.

— Jeff Foxworthy

If the veins in the back of your legs look like the street map of greater Pittsburgh, you ain't nobody's babydoll.

— Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if the UFO hotline limits you to one call a day.

— Jeff Foxworthy

If you're a man and you've ever been antique shopping during a big football game, you're either gay or married.

— Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if your grandfather completely executes the pull my finger trick at the family reunion.

— Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if your wife keeps a can of Vienna sausage in her purse.

— Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if you're still scalping tickets after the concert is over.

— Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if there are more than ten lawsuits currently pending against your dog.

— Jeff Foxworthy

You may be a redneck if . . . you think you are an entrepreneur because of the "Dirt for Sale" sign…

— Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if the Home Shopping Channel operator recognizes your voice.

— Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if you think that beef jerky and Moon Pies are two of the major food groups.

— Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if you're a lite beer drinker, because you start drinking when it gets light.

— Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if your grandmother can correctly execute the sleeper hold.

— Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if you consider your license plate personalized because your dad made it in prison.

— Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if you can tell your age by the number of rings in the bathtub.

— Jeff Foxworthy

Louisiana has the best food on the planet if you don't really ask too much about what you're eating.

— Jeff Foxworthy

If you have ever spray-painted your girlfriends name on an overpass, you might be a redneck.

— Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if a full-grown ostrich has fewer feathers than your cowboy hat.

— Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if your favorite Christmas present was a painting on black velvet.

— Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if Exxon and Conoco have offered you royalties for your hair.

— Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if you need an estimate from your barber before you get a haircut.

— Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if you watch cartoons long after your kids get bored.

— Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if your grandmother has ever been asked to leave a bingo game because of her language.

— Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if you wish your outhouse was as nice as those at the state park.

— Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if your mother has been involved in a fist fight at a high school sports event.

— Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if your birth announcement included the word rug rat.

— Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if you have flowers planted in a bathroom appliance in your front yard.

— Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if motel 6 turns off the lights when they see you coming.

— Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if your kids are going hungry tonight because you just had to have those Yosemite Sam mud…

— Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if in an effort to watch your cholesterol, you eat Spam Lite.

— Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if taking a dip has nothing to do with water.

— Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if directions to your house include turn off the paved road.

— Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if you won't stop at a rest area if you have an empty beer can in the…

— Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if you've ever stolen toilet paper from a public restroom.

— Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if it's easier to spray weed killer on your lawn than mow it.

— Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if you move your refrigerator and the grass underneath it has turned yellow.

— Jeff Foxworthy