“I just made ice cream. Accidentally. I made regular cream, and then winter kicked in.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’m too busy to chew. That’s why I blend all my meals into smoothies, and I make love as slowly as ice… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“On the frozen tundra, I milked a cow and pumped out ice cream. Strangely, it had chunks of strawberries in it.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If I could lick the sunset, I’ll bet it would taste like Neapolitan ice cream.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If you can be quiet, you’re more than welcome to stay in my House of Silence. Bring your own bubblegum ice cream.… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to distribute ice cream to dyslexics. Blankets are cold and ice cream needs to be kept warm,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to sell ice cream to streakers. Well, it could, if those naked runners didn’t leave their wallets… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“One scoop of ice cream can go a long way. Not to mending friendships, but it can get up to 40 yards… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to brighten up your day, like a lampshade over the sun dangling down over your dining room… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“On second thought, maybe “Penis on a Stick Ice Cream Parlor” is not such a good name for a business—even an ice… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Did I hear that right? Did someone say ice cream? It’s an odd thing to say in the middle of a eulogy,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If your favorite politician got ran over by a bus, I’d express my condolences by telling you I know how you feel.… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My love is a flower shaped like a snowflake. It won’t melt, so perhaps ice cream should be made out of it.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My favorite salad dressing is vodka. And my favorite ice cream flavor is coffee, though I prefer it melted and hot enough… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“She had two lips like strawberries, and the seeds gave her kisses texture. I preferred kissing her over two scoops of vanilla… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Ice cream is like the sun, except instead of it being hot it’s cold. Also it’s edible and tasty and won’t make… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used like ice cream. But hold up, hold up. Let me put a bowl under it before you… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I like ice cream with my cake. But in moderation, and not like five gallons with a cupcake. For that much ice… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We have a love so pure that it makes snow seem yellow. (Don’t eat it!)” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Two similar words might lead to two similar ideas. They might also lead to the basement, which I recently converted into a dungeon/torture chamber.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“There’s only one piece of clothing I could eat fast, and that’s a scarf.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora, as yes is to yes. Yes is also the correct answer to “Will you marry me?” Other… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
