“Being able to write a tale within a Tweet some would say was mighty sweet” — Neil Leckman Copy Share Image
But I'm saying we are loosing the people who are going to pay my social security. And that bothers me. — Joycelyn Elders Copy Share Image
If all else fails immortality can always be assured by adequate error. — John Kenneth Galbraith Copy Share Image
“You have exactly 10 seconds to change that look of disgusting pity, into one of enormous respect!” — Max Bialystock Copy Share Image
A man can well afford to be as bold as brass, my good fellow, when he gets gold in exchange! — Charles Dickens Copy Share Image
We named all our children Kid. Well, they have different first names, like Hey Kid, You Kid, Dumb Kid . . . — Phyllis Diller Copy Share Image
As I get older and write more books I'm definitely allowing the humorous side of my personality more rein in my work. — Colson Whitehead Copy Share Image
“Lovely, not only did the truck look like it was on its last leg, it was going to take the environment with… — Adrienne Wilder Copy Share Image
“Holy hell, Trev! What kind of move was that?” Trevor leaned over her with a big smile on his face. “You really… — Cecilia Aubrey & Chris Almeida Copy Share Image
You ask my advice about acting? Speak clearly, don't bump into the furniture and if you must have motivation, think of your… — Noel Coward Copy Share Image
I try to sing many different kinds of songs. If I sing a batch of humorous songs, I'll throw in a deadly… — Pete Seeger Copy Share Image
“You can shit in one hand and wish in another and see which one gets full faster. Or... you can just take… — C.V. Hunt Copy Share Image
When you're young and you get to choose between sleep and sex you take sex everytime. You start getting older, you get… — Jeff Foxworthy Copy Share Image
I do this real moron thing, and it's called thinking. And apparently I'm not a very good American because I like to… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
You're all going to die. I hate to remind you, but it is on your schedule. It probably won't happen when you'd… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Show me a young Conservative and I'll show you someone with no heart. Show me an old Liberal and I'll show you… — Winston Churchill Copy Share Image
“I'll send three of Harnet's Di'taken. I have it on good authority that they think the sun shines out of my ass."… — Tanya Huff Copy Share Image
He appeared to enjoy beyond everything the sound of his own voice. I couldn't wonder at that, for it was mellow and… — Charles Dickens Copy Share Image
Poor Mr. Pickwick! ... If he played a wrong card, Miss Bolo looked a small armoury of daggers; if he stopped to… — Charles Dickens Copy Share Image
No matter how you care to define it, I do not identify with the local group. Planet, species, race, nation, state, religion,… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“Listen up, Mount High-Hair," Gustav barked. "Say what you want about me, but lay off the rest of the team. I've been… — Christopher Healy Copy Share Image
I read and learned and fretted more about Canada after I left than I ever did while I was home. I absorbed… — Will Ferguson Copy Share Image
If he (The New York Taxi Driver) talked to me, he might lose his concentration, which would be very bad because the… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
“He was not a tall man, but he was wide. His face was the color and texture of old leather boots, and… — Grahame Shannon Copy Share Image
I have no idea what I am doing but incompetence has never prevented me from plunging in with enthusiasm. — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
“You’re a terrible woman Nox, but by the stars I love you beyond words themselves,” — K. K Weakley Copy Share Image
“College = A place where you spend a ton of money for a piece of paper that says you're qualified.” — Korey Miracle Copy Share Image
If you appeal to the crowd, either by being humorous or brutal or eccentric, you gain favor. — Suzanne Collins Copy Share Image
“Awoke to find three vultures sitting on the fence. Realizing they were a portent of impending death I shot them.” — Bridget Allison Copy Share Image
Parents, just keep in mind that kids will always round off to the nearest obscenity.. — Ray Romano Copy Share Image
I wonder if to stare into the face of God will drive me crazy. (I wonder who would blink first.) — Tim Allen Copy Share Image
Love is like a booger, you pick and pick at it. Then when you get it you wonder how to get rid… — Mae West Copy Share Image
Men like cars, women like clothes. Women only like cars because they take them to clothes. — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
Men love a joke - on the other fellow. But your really humorous woman loves a joke on herself. — Mary Roberts Rinehart Copy Share Image
The principal benefit acting has afforded me is the money to pay for my psychoanalysis. — Marlon Brando Copy Share Image
Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance¦ The five stages of waking up this morning. . . — Rick Sutter Copy Share Image
