“Until you have experienced raccoons mating underneath your bedroom at three in the morning, you have missed one of life's sensational moments.” — Robert Fulghum Copy Share Image
“Many obese people spend a significant amount of their energy on suppressing the urge to tell some of the people who are… — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
“A seemingly simple task like taking a bath or wearing a condom feels like multitasking to someone who suffers from hemiplegia or… — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
Quebec from the boat looked like the ramparts where Hamlet's ghost might have walked. — Charlie Chaplin Copy Share Image
“He'd never asked for an exciting life. What he really liked, what he sought on every occasion, was boredom. The trouble was… — Terry Pratchett Copy Share Image
“Why don't they make chocolate horses for Easter with a belly full of gummy bears. Educational and sweet!” — Neil Leckman Copy Share Image
Music hath the charm to soothe a savage beast, but I'd try a revolver first. — Josh Billings Copy Share Image
“This is like teaching queer remedial at the continuation high school. You were fishing, and you caught me . Don't you get… — Z.A. Maxfield Copy Share Image
Practical people would be more practical if they would take a little more time for dreaming. — J. P. McEvoy Copy Share Image
The humorous look of children is perhaps the most endearing of all the bonds that hold the Cosmos together. Their top-heavy dignity… — Gilbert K. Chesterton Copy Share Image
Mr. Starr, have you no shame? Facts and law are always subordinated to the will of the American people. — William H. Ginsburg Copy Share Image
“Every so often an author comes along and changes the world. I am not that author!” — Rachel Rueben Copy Share Image
Poor Mr. Pickwick! ... If he played a wrong card, Miss Bolo looked a small armoury of daggers; if he stopped to… — Charles Dickens Copy Share Image
My plans are still in embryo, a town on the edge of wishful thinking. — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
The Japanese, implementing a complex, long-term, and ultimately successful strategy to dominate the U S consumer-electronics market, attacked Pearl Harbor. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
I've always figured that if God wanted us to go to church a lot He'd have given us bigger behinds to sit… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
The basic Roman ruin design is a pile of rocks with a little plaque saying "Roman Ruins" and a group of tourists… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
“Try again. No no no, eyes up, eyes up! When you bow to someone you look at them, not at the floor.… — Stephen Deas Copy Share Image
“jerk.smokes cigars.will die of lung cancer,hopefully soon.excellent physical shape.” — Becca Fitzpatrick Copy Share Image
Curiosity, that's what kills us. Not muggers or all that bullshit about the ozone layer. It's our own hearts and minds. — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
