The light, humorous touch works well for 'Columbo,' 'McMillan and Wife,' and 'McCloud.' — Mike Connors Copy Share Image
You can always reason with a German. You can always reason with a barnyard animal, too, for all the good it does. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Being seventy has its advantages. I was outspoken before, but now what have I got to keep quiet about? — Kirk Douglas Copy Share Image
Mom, thanks for not being famous enough to adopt a black baby instead of having me. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“If I had a nickel for all the times I've been shushed in my life? Bam! Instant millionaire!” — Christy Hall Copy Share Image
With the possible exception of clothes, beauty salons and Frank Sinatra, there are few subjects all women agree upon. — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
I guess the more serious you play something, if the context is funny, then it will be funny and it doesn't really… — Jesse Eisenberg Copy Share Image
“Most sane human beings who are over the age of six usually act or react not as per what they genuinely feel… — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
“Still trying to save the world?” “Always,” I said, “and in case you haven’t noticed, it’s working. The world is still here.” — Nicole Williams Copy Share Image
It is great fun dying in the United States of America. It is great fun first of all for the undertakers who… — George Mikes Copy Share Image
The male - I have found - is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness and kindness, can be trained to… — Jilly Cooper Copy Share Image
Playing on stereotypes was meant to be humorous. If it doesn't tickle you in certain spots, it's not going to be funny.… — Manila Luzon Copy Share Image
All my life I've been terrible at remembering people's names. I once introduced a friend of mine as Martini. Her name was… — Tallulah Bankhead Copy Share Image
“Because he has finally realized that it is it and not him that is loved by the woman he loves, many a… — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
Spending all my remaining money on a ticket to Florence was rendered needlessly complicated by the fact that none of the ticket-sellers… — Clive James Copy Share Image
“John and I have made this stuff our hobby, in the way that an especially attractive prisoner makes a hobby out of… — David Wong Copy Share Image
“He crouched at the care window and looked in. "What a lovely family you have. What a charming family. They're all lovely.… — Derek Landy Copy Share Image
“Once she even successfully argued on behalf of my older brother, Dan, getting a BBGun, a weapon which he promptly turned against… — Thomas Lynch Copy Share Image
“Despite the fact that he loves books and owns a bookstore, A.J. does not particularly care for writers. He finds them to… — Gabrielle Zevin Copy Share Image
“As we all know, as if forever exploiting or attempting to exploit each other were not enough, a group of sane human… — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
It was pleasant to me to get a letter from you the other day. Perhaps I should have found it pleasanter if… — Thomas Bailey Aldrich Copy Share Image
There's little in taking or giving, There's little in water or wine: This living, this living, this living, Was never a project… — Dorothy Parker Copy Share Image
“Thought for the day: Twitter...140 character limit...must be a great tool for fortune cookie writers...” — E.A. Bucchianeri Copy Share Image
For years, humorous characters in cartoons have been almost exclusively male. — Paul Dini Copy Share Image
I would rather undergo a vasectomy via Weed Whacker than attend an opera. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
If it turns out that there is a God...the worst that you can say about him is that basically he's an underachiever. — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
'Tis a good thing to laugh at any rate; and if a straw can tickle a man, it is an instrument of… — John Dryden Copy Share Image
If you teach your children nothing else, teach them the Golden Rule and "righty-tighty, lefty-loosey. — Robert Breault Copy Share Image
“One cannot live on cock alone," Etienne called out as he left the stable. "God knows I've tried!” — Rosemary O'Malley Copy Share Image
Marriage is like a violin. After the beautiful music is over, the strings are still attached. — Jacob Braude Copy Share Image
“Lara Jean, why do you have to remember every little thing? It's not healthy.” — Jenny Han Copy Share Image
“If anything in nature was as beautiful as it was deadly, it was she.” — Randy C. Dockens Copy Share Image
“Some people ate less food less often when they each had a home than they now do as hobos.” — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
Ah, to be a bird. To fly the skies, sing my song, and best of all occasionally peck someone's eyes out. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
