Humor Quotes · Page 64

“Did you wake up on the stupid side of the bed this morning?”

— Tammy Blackwell

I wasn't classically trained as an actor; I wasn't pursuing standup comedy. I really came into it through the back door. And…

— H. Jon Benjamin

Funny women are honest women.

— Elizabeth Meriwether

Lonely people have enthusiasms which cannot always be explained. When something strikes them as funny, the intensity and length of their laughter…

— Mark Helprin

I think that what comes through in Chicago humor is the affection. Even though you're poking fun at someone or something, there's…

— Bob Newhart

“Database Management System [Origin: Data + Latin basus "low, mean, vile, menial, degrading, ounterfeit."] A complex set of interrelational data structures allowing…

— Anonymous

Whenever you're making a dark comedy, you're always looking for the yin and yang in an actor.

— Jamie Babbit

“Me and Katy look adorkable in extraterrestrial highway shirts. You would just look stupid. You can thank me later.”

— Jennifer L. Armentrout

I'm a very jovial guy. I like to laugh, and when things strike me as funny, I don't hide the fact that…

— Michael Rooker

Are we so desperate for entertainment that we will fall for a Trickless magician?? Saw a woman in half. Pull a rabbit…

— Chris Rock

I once asked my father for a dollar for the school picnic. He told me how he once killed a grizzly bear…

— Bill Cosby

It is so important to have the cushioning of humour in one's life for a smooth run.

— Shankar Mahadevan

I hope I don't just do the exact same thing my whole life. I also feel like it's really hard to make…

— David Wain

“I really like beer.”

— Joss Whedon

You feel like you need to deal with a lot if you're from Cleveland, so you learn to let things roll off…

— Vanessa Bayer

“Great. There goes our security deposit." ~ Sean”

— Dianne Duvall

There we go, that's it. I just hold my hand in this position for the next couple of hours.

— Bill Bailey

He many not be hurt as much as he really is.

— Jerry Coleman

“Now, Benny was no eejit. He wasn't expecting the Tunisian nationals to be Irish. What he did expect was darkish people with…

— Eoin Colfer

“I'm trusting you not to break my heart. If it gets even a scratch, I'll break your face. -Shaye”

— Gena Showalter

“When someone tells me to pray my regards, I always turn around to ask cash or card?”

— EverSkeptic

Comedy is all about the joke. Comedies usually don't do anything fancy with the camera [or] the lighting. It doesn't matter. It…

— Fede Alvarez

I'm a fan of, like, the Coen Brothers, with the darker humor in it.

— Jacob Zachar

How come there's no terrorism with humor, which is a great way to humiliate your enemy? It's a great time for that.

— John Waters

I would rather be called funny than pretty.

— Nia Vardalos

I was born by Caesarian section . . . but not so you'd notice. It's just that when I leave a house,…

— Steven Wright

“Druids always pick the hard way; it encourages natural selection.”

— Rich Burlew

I'd love to do all types of film, not just comedy, although I love comedy.

— Malin Akerman

If we could make up our minds to spare our friends all details of ill health, of money losses, of domestic annoyances,…

— Agnes Repplier

“He says black, I say white and we do grey”

— Lazaro Hernandez

Shut the door, Wales.

— Beau Brummell

As long as the people who kinda wanna go kill other people are going to go kill other people who kinda wanna…

— Doug Stanhope

“They made comments about the women's legs, but, as they were not witty, their remarks had no finesse. Since their emotion was…

— Jean Genet

“Article 100: "When pulling up to a stoplight, a Bro lowers his window so that all might enjoy his music selection." Corollary:…

— Barney Stinson

“Leif stared at me, utterly still, the way only vampires and pet rocks can manage.”

— Kevin Hearne

“it will be generally found that the popular joke is not true to the letter, but is true to the spirit. The…

— G.K. Chesterton

“There is so much woman in many a girl and too much boy in many a man.”

— Mokokoma Mokhonoana

“How did you know about my candy stash?” Vincent innocently shrugged. “I needed tape and stumbled across your Willy Wonka drawer”

— Victoria Michaels

“A few reasonable policies won't do much good if the surrounding society is insane.”

— Taras Grescoe

Every rascal is not a thief, but every thief is a rascal.

— Aristotle