“Welcome to Glasgow - the city where we punch people who are on fire.” — Frankie Boyle Copy Share Image
“There are fears that Britain could be facing a double-dip recession, or worse still, a double-dip with misery sprinkles and fuck-where's-my-job-sauce.” — Frankie Boyle Copy Share Image
They're always going, don't deal with terrorists. Let's deal with them. What's Allah offering you boys, 100 virgins? We'll give you 50 slags. — Frankie Boyle Copy Share Image
I always wondered about that woman who had that face transplant. If you went to bed with her, would that technically count… — Frankie Boyle Copy Share Image
I like storms. I like thunder and lightning. What I do during a storm is shag my girlfriend and pretend that we're… — Frankie Boyle Copy Share Image
Apparently they're going to bring in 'Super Asbos'. But 'Asbos' already sound too cool. Teenagers see them as a badge of honour.… — Frankie Boyle Copy Share Image
My dad is one of the funniest people I know. He's the sort of man who can make you laugh just by… — Frankie Boyle Copy Share Image
Do you think George Bush actually knows who Gordon Brown is? He probably just thinks Tony Blair's put on weight and had… — Frankie Boyle Copy Share Image
I did Scottish footballer of the year this year, attempted to do some comedy at that. Not the brightest people in the… — Frankie Boyle Copy Share Image
The government are considering spending £3million on a state funeral for Margaret Thatcher when she dies. For £3million they could buy everyone… — Frankie Boyle Copy Share Image
The English are worried about the Euro being brought in because of loss of national identity and rising prices. In Scotland, people… — Frankie Boyle Copy Share Image
I watched the footage of Saddam being executed, and it really made me think...is there nothing on the internet that I won't… — Frankie Boyle Copy Share Image
Jordan ran the London marathon to help raise money for the blind. After jogging that far with her body, I'm surprised she… — Frankie Boyle Copy Share Image
Comedy is a terrible way to meet women. It's certainly a way to start talking to them, but they always have preconceptions… — Frankie Boyle Copy Share Image
There is no doubt I have offended many people. No doubt, also, that I have blasphemed. I sometimes try to offend as… — Frankie Boyle Copy Share Image
British people have a really sophisticated sense of humour, because we're exposed to much more than Europeans and Americans, not least in… — Frankie Boyle Copy Share Image
That should be the anti-speeding advert. It should be footage of Richard Hammond trying to remember his own wedding day. — Frankie Boyle Copy Share Image
I did a ski festival in Austria once. I was struck by how friendly Austrians were, before gradually realising it's more that Glaswegians are… — Frankie Boyle Copy Share Image
Your ruling class don't care about what happens to you. What seems like some enormous upset in your community is undetectable from a helicopter… — Frankie Boyle Copy Share Image
Remember, taboos are just a map of what a society feels it's acceptable to be neurotic about. Taboos aren't rational. — Frankie Boyle Copy Share Image
For 3 Million you could give everyone in Scotland a shovel, and we could dig a hole so deep we could hand her over… — Frankie Boyle Copy Share Image
Scientists have just built the world's biggest supercollider, and they're doing experiments to see what makes up protons. I hope that if the experiment's… — Frankie Boyle Copy Share Image
When I went to school, sex education was mainly muttered warnings about the janitor. — Frankie Boyle Copy Share Image
If you feel more emotion looking at a picture of queuing lorries than a picture of desperate humans living in a lay-by, you need… — Frankie Boyle Copy Share Image
People who think there's no good way to die have obviously never heard the phrase 'Drug-fuelled-sex-heart-attack'. — Frankie Boyle Copy Share Image
I feel sorry for Obama because he's still got to fight the innate racism of Americans. I mean, did you see his first speech,… — Frankie Boyle Copy Share Image
In a lot of farther-flung places in Scotland people are guarded at first, but as soon as they get to know you they really… — Frankie Boyle Copy Share Image
