Scientists have just built the world's biggest supercollider, and they're doing experiments to see what makes up protons. I hope that if… — Frankie Boyle Copy Share Image
When I went to school, sex education was mainly muttered warnings about the janitor. — Frankie Boyle Copy Share Image
People who think there's no good way to die have obviously never heard the phrase 'Drug-fuelled-sex-heart-attack'. — Frankie Boyle Copy Share Image
I guess we were kinda poor when we were kids, but we didn't know it. That's because my dad always refused to… — Frankie Boyle Copy Share Image
The only award I've been nominated for is a Scottish BAFTA. A Scottish BAFTA, it's like hearing that the animals have their… — Frankie Boyle Copy Share Image
I can't help thinking the failed New York bomber would've done far more damage if he'd simply driven throught Times Square in… — Frankie Boyle Copy Share Image
What was wrong with train toilet doors that just locked, instead of this multiple choice system? If anything goes wrong, you'll be… — Frankie Boyle Copy Share Image
The East End of Glasgow is like the Olympics. Lots of foriegners in tracksuits struggling to speak English. — Frankie Boyle Copy Share Image
Let me ask you a question. How long is too long to text someone back? My wife still thinks I died in 9/11. — Frankie Boyle Copy Share Image
Nobody thought Mel Gibson could play a Scot, but look at him now! Alcoholic and a racist! — Frankie Boyle Copy Share Image
Recent surveys show 3 out of 10 men have a problem with premature ejaculation. The rest just didn't really think it was a problem! — Frankie Boyle Copy Share Image
It seems amazing that the Navy SEALs managed to get inside the compound and shoot Osama so efficiently. I can only imagine… — Frankie Boyle Copy Share Image
In the event of a cabin failure, oxygen masks will drop from the ceiling, and untangling them will annoy you before you… — Frankie Boyle Copy Share Image
Does anyone actually think that Beckham knows he's in America? I think he just follows a football and all he notices is… — Frankie Boyle Copy Share Image
A 66-YEAR-OLD woman has become the oldest new mum in Britain after giving birth to a baby boy. I'm amazed she needed… — Frankie Boyle Copy Share Image
The average life expectancy rate in some parts of Glasgow is 54. If you've ever been there, you'll realize that that's maybe… — Frankie Boyle Copy Share Image
Congratulations you're 18!... On a list of 20 people I'm going to kill. — Frankie Boyle Copy Share Image
Now, the magic of British parks at night, as Bill Oddie presents.. Gaywatch. — Frankie Boyle Copy Share Image
When I heard Cristiano Ronaldo was pictured holding a manbag, I was surprised it was a gucci bag and not another guy's… — Frankie Boyle Copy Share Image
I gave my girlfriend something she didn't expect for Valentine's day... Chlamydia. — Frankie Boyle Copy Share Image
Victoria Beckham looks like she has a dump once every four years. That's probably how David knows that there's a World Cup… — Frankie Boyle Copy Share Image
I don't know how long i could be a vet before i got bored and started shagging stuff. — Frankie Boyle Copy Share Image
They've bought out a condom now for people with premature ejaculation and they've put an anesthetic in the lining that makes you… — Frankie Boyle Copy Share Image
The owners of a dog which swallowed a diamond worth £12000 had to wait three days until it re-emerged. With a bit… — Frankie Boyle Copy Share Image
I did a ski festival in Austria once. I was struck by how friendly Austrians were, before gradually realising it's more that Glaswegians are… — Frankie Boyle Copy Share Image
Your ruling class don't care about what happens to you. What seems like some enormous upset in your community is undetectable from a helicopter… — Frankie Boyle Copy Share Image
Remember, taboos are just a map of what a society feels it's acceptable to be neurotic about. Taboos aren't rational. — Frankie Boyle Copy Share Image
For 3 Million you could give everyone in Scotland a shovel, and we could dig a hole so deep we could hand her over… — Frankie Boyle Copy Share Image
Scientists have just built the world's biggest supercollider, and they're doing experiments to see what makes up protons. I hope that if the experiment's… — Frankie Boyle Copy Share Image
When I went to school, sex education was mainly muttered warnings about the janitor. — Frankie Boyle Copy Share Image
If you feel more emotion looking at a picture of queuing lorries than a picture of desperate humans living in a lay-by, you need… — Frankie Boyle Copy Share Image
People who think there's no good way to die have obviously never heard the phrase 'Drug-fuelled-sex-heart-attack'. — Frankie Boyle Copy Share Image
I feel sorry for Obama because he's still got to fight the innate racism of Americans. I mean, did you see his first speech,… — Frankie Boyle Copy Share Image
In a lot of farther-flung places in Scotland people are guarded at first, but as soon as they get to know you they really… — Frankie Boyle Copy Share Image
