“EVERY PROFESSION HAS ITS PITFALLS. Doctors, for example, are always being asked for free medical advice, lawyers are asked for legal information,… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“That moment you finish a book, look around, and realize that everyone else is just getting on with their lives as though… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Laughing is the best medicine.But if you're laughing for no reason, you may need medicine. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The world is a tragedy 2 dose who feel, but a comedy 2 dose who think.... — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“Please don't tell me to relax it's only my tension that's holding me together.” — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“(...) perfectly ordinary books, printed on commonplace paper in mundane ink. It would be a mistake to think that they weren't also… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If it tastes funny, don't eat it. If it looks funny, call a doctor. If it is funny, it must have been… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
When I have children, I'm gonna make them watch the movie 2012 and tell them I survived that like a BOSS. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Calories: the tiny creatures that live in your closet and sew your clothes that tiny bit tighter every night. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Things I've learned in school: if the homework is study or read...you don't have any homework. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I wonder if cats worry about ending up living alone with socially awkward teenagers. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Watching a YouTube video and not having an advertisement pop up feels like winning the lottery. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I wouldn't take a bullet for you, because if I have time to jump in front of the bullet, you have time… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
That akward moment when you notice someone's zipper is down, but you don't won't to say anything because you don't have a… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
We're gonna add logs to this problem to manipulate it into giving us what we want...like an unhealthy relationship! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The two of them were like oil and water. Her older sister was forever stuck in surrogate mommy role. But Viviana had… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I hate when people see me at the supermarket and they're like hey what are you doing here? and I'm just like… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I'm the leader, not a follower. Unless it's a dark place then fuck that shit, you're going first. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
People will wonder, Am I supposed to think this is funny or serious? People need the comforting aural cue of laughter. It's… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Men do not like to admit to even momentary imperfection. My husband forgot the code to turn off the alarm. When the… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Sometimes the best thing to do all the time is take a nap and do nothing. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
That awkward moment when people think theyre funny but they are just annoying. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The thought of a comedy with paid prostitutes always seemed so silly and purposeless, for a person hired by me could never… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If I died in my sleep, you can actually say that I died doing what I loved. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“I, also, decided to get rid of the need of approval. That is a strong addiction, the need of approval, isn't it?… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“He inherited some good instincts from his Quaker forebearers, but by diligent hard work, he overcame them.” — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Your legs are like an Oreo Cookie - I wanna split them and eat all the good stuff in the middle. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If teachers can't teach every subject, why do students have to Iearn them all? — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“...it’s just another one of those things I don’t understand: everyone impresses upon you how unique you are, encouraging you to cultivate… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The sound of silence, when you realize that you have no kids.... ha ha ha... — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
And a tear rolled down her cheek, as she said goodbye; because she's walking away, and she's never looking back — Anonymous Copy Share Image
You'll seldom experience regret for anything that you've done. It is what you haven't done that will torment you. The message, therefore, is clear.… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Scrabble - The game is available in Braille. That’s a nice fact. This makes me feel better about humanity for some reason. I can’t… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“THIS tale of my sore-troubled life I write, To thank the God of nature, who conveyed My soul to me, and with such care… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Put on my J's and dance the whole night away Im naughty by nature like Im hip-hop hooray With my hands in the sky,… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Me.. I have been through a lot, but I still manage to have a smile on my face. Im not worried about the past… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The only person I've ever purposely caused pain here is myself...By simply sharing, caring too much. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
