If you're born in September, it's pretty safe to assume that your parents started their new year with a 'Bang.' — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Awkward moment when you're dancing in the middle of the road and you didn't realize there was a car behind you. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Call Of Duty will really have a guy thinking about joining the army...then you realize how many times you died. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
This global recession has had a detrimental effect on my sex life. It's ages since I've been able to afford it. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Dear People of The World, I don't mean to sound slutty but use me whenever you want. Sincerely, Proper Grammar. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I hate it when I tell someone I'll be there in 15 minutes yet they choose to call me every half an… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
*Son walks in on dad in the shower* Son: Dad what's that hairy thing between your legs Dad: Well son that's the… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
HARRY POTTER CONDOMS: In case you need an invisibility cloak for your wand while entering the chamber of secrets so you don't… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Grammar is important! Capitalization is the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse and helping your Uncle jack off a… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Some people are really going all out for Halloween. The guy driving behind me even got sirens & flashing lights to go… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
When I drive if you beep your horn 1 second after the light changes green I will shut off my car, lay… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
James Gandolfini's heart attack at age 51 has inspired me to get in better shape after I finish rewatching all six seasons… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
You know how they say when you die, your whole life flashes before you? Well do you get to see what happened… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Facebook asks me what I'm thinking. Twitter asks what I'm doing. Foursquare asks where I am. The internet has turned into a… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Women are magic creatures: they get wet without water, bleed without being injured, give milk without eating grass, & can make boneless meat. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I will complain about my privacy being invaded by the government right after I update my dating profile to attract strangers on… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Doctors finally figured out whats wrong with a boys brain; on the left side, theres nothing right; and on the right side,… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
A bill collector called me and I told them I had $17,208,857.23 in Mafia Wars but I'm having a problem transferring the… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Cops came around to my house today, told me that my dog was chasing someone on a bike, I told them to… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
A female officer pulls over a drunk man. The officer tells him, Anything you say will be held against you! Then the… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Three monkeys escaped from the zoo, one was caught watching TV, the other playing hockey, and the third one was caught reading… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If my name was Mario I'd get into as many relationships as I can just so I could break up with them… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Facebook is that insecure chick that keeps changing her hairstyle &/or color until she finally loses her mind and shaves it &… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Not to name names, but I know some of you update your status from your phone so it appears like you actually… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Spooning For girls: A nice, warm and cozy cuddle. For guys: A dead arm, a face full of hair and a awkward… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
11 year olds today are like: 'Omg I love smokin pot. I get like so drunk. Yolo!' Me when I was 11:… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Dear Warner Bros: Now that I'm an adult, I feel I'm am old enough to hear what the "Beep Beep" is hiding… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
One time at the beach this guy was swimming in the ocean yelling 'Help! Shark! Help!'. I just laughed, I knew that… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If Facebook ever shuts down. You'll see people roaming the streets shoving pictures in others faces screaming 'Do you like this!?!?!.. DO… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Yelling At Me Is Like Yelling At A Wall, You Can Yell All You Want But Your Never Gonna Get A Answer,… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Sex is like a gas station, sometimes you get full service, sometimes you gotta ask for service and sometimes you have to… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I'm going to pretend I didn't hear you, close my eyes, and count to 10..I suggest you either rephrase your attitude..or run… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Best way to get out of a text convo: "The message could not be delivered due to a temporary network setup error.… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
There are some people who can't sleep because they have insomnia, I'm one of those people who can't sleep because they have… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
That uncomfortable moment when you're in the car and you look at the people in the car next to you. Then you… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Today's forecast; severe attitude warnings possible throughout the day, scattered sarcasm showers, and a strong chance of annoyance later in the day... — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Awkward moment when you are chatting with someone you like but triangle disturb it; until you type some superstitious word, and they… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
When someone looks at your baby pictures and jokingly says 'Aww you were soo cute! What happened?' Tell them; 'B*tch, I got… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
You may think I'm stupid or blind to what's going on but the truth is I know & I'm saving that all… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If you want to get your children's attention, just look real comfortable, talk on the phone,or try to have a conversation with… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
And a tear rolled down her cheek, as she said goodbye; because she's walking away, and she's never looking back — Anonymous Copy Share Image
You'll seldom experience regret for anything that you've done. It is what you haven't done that will torment you. The message, therefore, is clear.… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Scrabble - The game is available in Braille. That’s a nice fact. This makes me feel better about humanity for some reason. I can’t… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“THIS tale of my sore-troubled life I write, To thank the God of nature, who conveyed My soul to me, and with such care… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Put on my J's and dance the whole night away Im naughty by nature like Im hip-hop hooray With my hands in the sky,… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Me.. I have been through a lot, but I still manage to have a smile on my face. Im not worried about the past… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The only person I've ever purposely caused pain here is myself...By simply sharing, caring too much. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
