Officer to drunk boy : How high are you? Drunk Boy: No officer, its Hi! How are you? — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I bet that in prison everyone's FB relationship status is set to "it's complicated". — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I wonder what the blood alcohol level is of all these mosquitos that keep biting me? — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Hey I just met you, & this is crazy. But I'm on bath salts. You're face looks tasty! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
DAD: Wanna Hear A Joke Son? SON: Yes DAD: Pussy SON: I Don't Get It... DAD: EXACTLY! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
When I was little sticking my tongue out was like giving some one the middle finger. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I was supposed to do. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I love it when I buy a bag of air & the company is nice enough to put some chips in. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Men were born between a woman's legs and spend the rest of their lives trying to get back in them. There's no… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Is wondering who was the first to look at a cow and think: I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I wonder who the first person was to see an egg come out of a chickens butt and think...'That looks tasty, I'm… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Online dating is now like eating at Denny's thanks to photoshop, in person your order looks nothing like the photo on the… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I dont ask for a blow job because the word job makes it sound like its strenuous physical labor. Instead, I ask… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Applause to the person that erased you, then blocked you and is now looking at your FACEBOOK PROFILE through a friends account. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Dont be a racist. Be like Mario. He's an Italian plumber; created by Japanese people, who speak English and look like Mexicans. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Okay mom...you know I love you...but I can't accept your friend request on Facebook. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
From the moment I saw you, I knew I was gonna spend the rest of my life avoiding you. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I probably could stand a chance on American Idol if I could bring my shower on stage. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Just because the seasons are changing doesnt mean your bikini profile picture has to. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Hey I just met you, and girl you look crazy, what brands your make-up, Crayola maybe? — Anonymous Copy Share Image
They changed the name to 'Facebook' because 'Stalk My Ex' seemed a little too creepy. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If Mitt Romney wins this years election, I volunteer as tribute for the Hunger Games. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Wanna come over to MySpace and Twitter my Yahoo till I Google all over your Facebook? — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Dear parents, we know money doesnt grow on trees, thats why we are asking you for it. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Welcome to 2012: Presidents are black, rappers are white, and asians play basketball. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If your shorts look like they're being eaten by your butt, they're not meant for you. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Oh.. so your dating my ex? i ate a sandwhich earlier. do you want those leftovers too? — Anonymous Copy Share Image
These animal crackers are bullshit, this elephant tastes exactly like the giraffe did. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I have a memory foam mattress...and I really hope that it doesn't remember everything. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I hate it when I forget to turn my swag off at night and I wake up covered in b*tches. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
There is so much drama on Facebook, I'm surprised that they don't have an awards show. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Oh sorry, I couldn't hear you over the imaginary sex I was having with you in my head. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Here's to Kim Kardashian and Kanye West for not making anyone else be married to them. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Me:Im finally happy:)..Life:Oh damn, That can't happen. Let me throw something bad in. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I don't think I could ever stab someone...I can barely get the straw in the Capri-Sun. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Just saw two deaf girls arguing, one said, 'BITCH better keep my name out your hands.' — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I feel like getting some work done, so I'm going to sit here until the feeling passes. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Roses are red, violets are blue. God made me beautiful, what the hell happened to you? — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Teen pregnancy will be at a all time low due to the releasing of Black Ops 2 & Halo 4. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
And a tear rolled down her cheek, as she said goodbye; because she's walking away, and she's never looking back — Anonymous Copy Share Image
You'll seldom experience regret for anything that you've done. It is what you haven't done that will torment you. The message, therefore, is clear.… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Scrabble - The game is available in Braille. That’s a nice fact. This makes me feel better about humanity for some reason. I can’t… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“THIS tale of my sore-troubled life I write, To thank the God of nature, who conveyed My soul to me, and with such care… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Put on my J's and dance the whole night away Im naughty by nature like Im hip-hop hooray With my hands in the sky,… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Me.. I have been through a lot, but I still manage to have a smile on my face. Im not worried about the past… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The only person I've ever purposely caused pain here is myself...By simply sharing, caring too much. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
