I wonder if tap dancers walk into a room, look at a floor and think, 'I'd so tap that.' — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The grass is greener on the other side, because that's where the dog has been shitting. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
When I was younger, I would put my face close to a fan & talk to hear my robot voice... — Anonymous Copy Share Image
It's so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and then don't say it. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I live my life one weekend at time, for those two days nothing else matters, I am FREE. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
What's the point of a high school reunion? I have Facebook. I already know you got fat. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Nascar would be so much more entertaining if they threw banana peels and turtle shells. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
You know your addicted to facebook when you keep looking if anyone likes your status... — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Cop pulls man over for suspicion of drunk driving. Cop: Sir have you been drinking? Man: No. Cop: Papers. Man: Scissors, I… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
A friend of mine said onions are the only food that could make you cry. That was before I hit him in… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
When you are trying to get out of the aisle at the movies, and you have to pass by people, do you… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it, then have we found the perfect location… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I got my passport application forms sent back. Apparently the question Place of Birth? Between my mothers legs isn't acceptable. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I'm the kind of friend who will help you hide a dead body, but if you betray me, just remember... I KNOW… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Always take your drivers license pic STONED, that way whenever you get pulled over, the cop will think you always look like… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
We should watch a movie. And by 'watch a movie' I mean we should fuck each other senseless while a movie plays… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I always write 'Wake Up' on my To-Do-List so I can at least accomplish one thing a day. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If lesbians aren't attracted to men, why are they attracted to women that look like men? — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Women who complain are like yellow traffic lights. Nobody really pays attention to them. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I need breakfast! If I were any more hungry right now, Brad and Angelina would adopt me. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I hate when I'm wearing my Apple Bottom jeans and I can't find my boots with the furrrr. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
'I need a boyfriend', No, you WANT a boyfriend. You NEED water, cause you sound thirsty. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If I gained a calorie for every time I thought of food, I'd be the size of a blue whale. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I'm pretty sure the whole ladies first thing was created by a guy just to check out ass. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If being a douche was an Olympic sport, I know some people that would have a gold medal! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
When someone says expect the unexpected, slap them and say I bet you didn't expect that! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
When you see a guy opening a car door for a girl, it's either a new car...or a new girl! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
There's no such thing as ugly chicks...instead, there's such thing as not enough beer!.. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
All our life our parents told us not to write on walls. Facebook teaches us differently. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If you text me and then within the next 3 minutes send me ???, you will not get a reply. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I'm not saying you're ugly, I'm just saying you're about 8 beers away from being my type. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
When I'm almost done banging a chick I hear the Mortal Kombat voice in my head FINISH HER — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Dear Internet Users, Someday u will regret not reading me. Sincerely, Terms & Conditions. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I wonder if a receptionist at a sperm bank has ever used the phrase: 'Thanks for coming.' — Anonymous Copy Share Image
It's not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn't have the balls to do it. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Sometimes I get my wife and my GPS mixed up...they both tell me what to do every 30 feet. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Honesty is the best policy. Unless, of course, you're posting a Facebook Profile picture. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Open your eyes, close your mouth; See the flies, froze your laugh, cuz you now in dustbin — Anonymous Copy Share Image
No man should ever make eye contact with another man while eating a banana or lollipop... — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I don't see why everybody wants a white iPhone. Everyone knows the black one runs faster. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
And a tear rolled down her cheek, as she said goodbye; because she's walking away, and she's never looking back — Anonymous Copy Share Image
You'll seldom experience regret for anything that you've done. It is what you haven't done that will torment you. The message, therefore, is clear.… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Scrabble - The game is available in Braille. That’s a nice fact. This makes me feel better about humanity for some reason. I can’t… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“THIS tale of my sore-troubled life I write, To thank the God of nature, who conveyed My soul to me, and with such care… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Put on my J's and dance the whole night away Im naughty by nature like Im hip-hop hooray With my hands in the sky,… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Me.. I have been through a lot, but I still manage to have a smile on my face. Im not worried about the past… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The only person I've ever purposely caused pain here is myself...By simply sharing, caring too much. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
