Funny facebook status Quotes by Anonymous · Page 17

They should name hurricanes with black people names. I'd be terrified of hurricane Shanaynay.

— Anonymous

I hate when I'm singing a song and somebody corrects me -.- b*tch what if I was freestyling?!

— Anonymous

May you live to be as old as the number of Instagram pictures you took of your birthday cake.

— Anonymous

I'm glad there will be an iPhone that's affordable to the sweatshop workers who make iPhones.

— Anonymous

Our sincere condolences to the next woman Michael Douglas gives Catherine Zeta-Jones' HPV to.

— Anonymous

That awkward moment when somebody is doing dishes and you slowly put another dish in the sink

— Anonymous

Parent: What did you learn today? Student: Apparently not enough! We have to go back tomorrow!

— Anonymous

Just a heads up that we aren't going into that war you heard about in between twerking videos.

— Anonymous

I hate when girls are so insecure about them self's when they're freakin beautiful! It makes me think they just want attention!! ..

— Anonymous

I saw a man fall off his bike this morning. he looked around to see if anyone saw his fall. I made…

— Anonymous

I got thrown out of my local bookshop for moving the Caution - Wet Floor sign and placing it next to the…

— Anonymous

Nothing is impossible, the word itself says 'I'm possible'! Unless you wanna slam a revolving door, then that's not going to happen.

— Anonymous

I failed my Driver's test. Driving teacher: 'What do you do at a red light?' Me: 'I usually respond to texts and…

— Anonymous

That awkward moment during a test and you don't know any of the answers, so you just start laughing because you know…

— Anonymous

The best thing about Facebook is writing a quote and putting a random name at the end, people will still believe it~Abraham…

— Anonymous

Life is like Facebook. People will like your problems & comment, but no one will solve them because everyone is busy updating theirs

— Anonymous

If 2 liars are talking to each other, do they believe what the other is saying? Just curious..

— Anonymous

I've always wondered why it's called a walkie talkie, yet a vacuum isn't called a pushy sucky?

— Anonymous

I don't care what they say, the first guy who milked a cow and drank it was a massive pervert.

— Anonymous

The closest that I've gotten to murder: Holding Oreos under the milk until the bubbles stop...

— Anonymous

If you think you're having a bad day, just remember, somebody is going to have Snooki as a mom.

— Anonymous

Teacher: Come on! You learned this in 3rd grade! Me: I can`t remember what I ate for breakfast.

— Anonymous

I love how when my soap runs out in the shower, my shampoo magically transforms into body wash.

— Anonymous

I love rumors they always tell me something new about my self and my life.. that I neverr knew!

— Anonymous

If aliens saw us walking our dogs and picking up their poop, who would they think is in charge?

— Anonymous

If you listen closely you can hear the gas pump tell your kid's college fund to go fuck itself.

— Anonymous

Is wondering exactly what the individual who discovered milk was initially doing with the cow..

— Anonymous

I have a friend whose status says Suicidal - Standing on the edge of a cliff. So I poked him!..

— Anonymous

Im not saying I hate you. Im just saying if you got his by a bus, I would be driving that bus.:)

— Anonymous

Im so indie, she thinks to herself as she puts the lyrics to Skinny Love as her Facebook status.

— Anonymous

Guys use the word friendship to start a relationship. Girls use the word friendship to end it...

— Anonymous

A baby-sitter is a teenager acting like an adult while the adults are out acting like teenagers.

— Anonymous

Does anyone have that light switch in their house that they really don't know what it goes to...

— Anonymous

Dear guy on the dance floor 'Raising the roof,' you're not raising your chances of getting laid.

— Anonymous

My daughter said she's gonna be a hoe for Halloween. I think it's cute that she likes gardening.

— Anonymous

If strippers can be called exotic dancers, then drug dealers should be called exotic pharmacist.

— Anonymous

Money can't buy you happiness, but it's more comfortable to cry in a MERCEDES than on a BICYCLE.

— Anonymous

Halloween: Is one night of the year when all households save the most on their electricity bill.

— Anonymous

Just let me know if there's anything I can do this month to further the cause of healthy breasts.

— Anonymous

I wouldn't need Facebook if there was a website that just told me whether or not my exes got fat.

— Anonymous