Pizza is a lot like sex. When it's good, it's really good. When it's bad, it's still pretty good. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I'm gonna cross 3/4 of the street, then turn around and go back for no fucking reason. -Squirrels — Anonymous Copy Share Image
That awkward moment when the guy who discovered milk has to explain what he was doing to the cow. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
To steal ideas from one person, would be plagiarism, to steal ideas from many is called research. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Whew. Thank you, warning label. I was actually considering using my new floor lamp in the shower. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
May your daily meltdown be less public, drug-addled, and cartoonishly insane than Amanda Bynes's. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If State Farm were such a good neighbor they'd come over and pick up all the dog shit in my yard. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Girls are like Jedi's, they can lift things without even touching them...if you know what I mean. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Birth control pills should probably be made for men. Doesn't it make more sense to unload a gun than to shoot at… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I hate you but you were always there for me to not make me look ridiculous. I appreciate what you did for… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
When girls hack a friends Facebook account: 'I love you b*tch!' When boys hack a friends Facebook account: 'I LOVE D*CK IN… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Dear Face Wash Commercials, nobody actually splashes their face with water like that. Sincerely, my whole damn bathroom floor is wet. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If I was stranded on a desert island and I could only bring one thing, I would bring Dora. That girl has… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
My girlfriend caught me blow drying my penis...She asked what was I doing. Apparently, 'heating up your dinner' wasn't a sexy answer. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Women are like internet viruses they enter your life, scan your pocket, edit your mind, download their problems, delete your smile... — Anonymous Copy Share Image
How am I supposed to make life choices when I still use my fingers to count and sing the whole alphabet to… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I did it on my bed.. I did it on the couch.. I did it in the car... Texting is such an… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Let love comes to you, be patient. In fairy tales they don't find each other until the last page. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
You have at least two addresses memorized; Your own address and P. Sherman 42 Wallaby Way, Sydney. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If you're Talking behind my back that just means my life is obviously more interesting than yours. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Being popular on Facebook is like sitting at the cool table in the cafeteria at a mental hospital. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Obamacare is bringing relief to the millions of Americans who don't have to sign up for Obamacare. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Need a friend? Text me. Need a laugh? Call me. Need money?! This number is no longer in service... — Anonymous Copy Share Image
On a scale from Kristen Stewart to Nicki Minaj, how many different facial expressions do you have? — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Everyone always talks about the early bird. How about the early worm? How'd that work out for him? — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Sometimes I walk through the baby aisle at the grocery store as a reminder to always use a condom. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
My girlfriend told me to go out and get something that makes her look sexy...so I came back drunk. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Everyone has that make the other person sound incredibly stupid voice when describing an argument. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The only reason I'd ever move to L.A. is to get away from conversations about the weather changing. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Never in my life have I seen a tombstone that read: Died for not forwarding that text to 10 people. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
What the fuck I look like stressing over friends? I got family I walk pass and don't even speak to. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
When butterflies fall in love, do they feel people in their stomachs? It's something to think about — Anonymous Copy Share Image
My girlfriend took a pregnancy test today, and my worst fears have been realized.. she's just fat.. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Bullying is to love those who hate. You cannot fight fire with fire. kill the haters with kindness. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Its Throwback Thursday on Instagram...Chicks showing us how much they fell off since High School... — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I'm pretty sure I have a defective iphone 5, I keep pressing the home button and I'm still at work. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Let's all pretend we're shocked that a professional football player committed sociopathic violence. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Want to learn how to dance? Have a cold shower today at midnight, I bet, Youll rock like SHAKIRA :) — Anonymous Copy Share Image
LOL at the stupid girls who think they're boyfriend is faithful when they're phone says Inbox Empty — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The government may force me to have health insurance but they can never force me to respect my body. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
And a tear rolled down her cheek, as she said goodbye; because she's walking away, and she's never looking back — Anonymous Copy Share Image
You'll seldom experience regret for anything that you've done. It is what you haven't done that will torment you. The message, therefore, is clear.… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Scrabble - The game is available in Braille. That’s a nice fact. This makes me feel better about humanity for some reason. I can’t… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“THIS tale of my sore-troubled life I write, To thank the God of nature, who conveyed My soul to me, and with such care… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Put on my J's and dance the whole night away Im naughty by nature like Im hip-hop hooray With my hands in the sky,… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Me.. I have been through a lot, but I still manage to have a smile on my face. Im not worried about the past… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The only person I've ever purposely caused pain here is myself...By simply sharing, caring too much. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
