Funny facebook status Quotes by Anonymous · Page 16

If ants were the size of humans, they would be able to run twice as fast as a Lamborghini.

— Anonymous

I hate that moment when I thought my phone was charging, when it wasn't even plugged in!..

— Anonymous

White people: 'OMG! I LOVE THIS SONG!' Black people: 'OH HELL YEAH NIGGA THIS IS MY SHIT!'

— Anonymous

I called my dad to tell him I was gonna quit drinking and he told me don't be a quitter!..

— Anonymous

I Should Say I Keep On Drooling When I Look at You...CAuse You Look Like Big Fat Pig ..O_O

— Anonymous

Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.

— Anonymous

If you don't have an iPhone I feel bad for you, son. I got 99 Emojis & you can't see none.

— Anonymous

Thanks to Google, Wikipedia, and whoever the hell invented copy and paste. Thank you Guys.

— Anonymous

Some people are like Slinkies...not really good for anything, but you can't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.

— Anonymous

People be drop outta school, get a job at McDonald's, and be all like I'm grinding ...On my grind ...yeah Grind me…

— Anonymous

Having a cold drink on a hot day with a few friends is nice...What about having a hot friend on a cold…

— Anonymous

If Facebook ruins relationships then guns kill people, pencils misspell words, cars make people drive drunk & spoons make you fat.

— Anonymous

Gently placing your finger on someone`s lips and saying Shh, not another word is super romantic... but cops don`t seem to think…

— Anonymous

There is so much shit coming out of your mouth.. sometimes I get confused whether to give u a mouth freshener or…

— Anonymous

Hey Customer Service - Instead of monitoring this call for quality purposes, how about you just listen to what I need and…

— Anonymous

My best childhood memory was falling asleep on the couch and waking up in bed. I miss teleporting. It never happens to…

— Anonymous

How do homeless people always seem to get the shopping cart that has all four good wheels?

— Anonymous

It's perfectly legal to be stupid at times but some people just completely take advantage.

— Anonymous

Spent the entire night trying to create a website for women drivers, but it kept crashing.

— Anonymous

When I said that I cleaned my room, I just meant I made a path from the doorway to my bed.

— Anonymous

When a couple is arguing over who loves who more, the one that gives up is the real winner.

— Anonymous

I'm sorry, call me old fashioned but I think your shorts should be longer than your vagina.

— Anonymous

It's a recipe for disaster when your country has an obesity epidemic and a skinny jean fad.

— Anonymous

In a nerd wedding, instead of saying 'I do.' They say, 'I accept the terms and conditions.'

— Anonymous

I'm only as nice as people allow me to be, so don't push my bitch button and we'll be great

— Anonymous

If I have ever said anything to insult you, please let me know, I might wanna say it again!

— Anonymous

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.

— Anonymous

Somebody needs to start a restaurant called, 'Chick-Fil-Atheist' that's only open on Sunday.

— Anonymous

I love facebook because it helps me remember what I did the night before when I blacked out.

— Anonymous

The problem is, obesity runs in our family. No, the problem is no-one runs in your family...

— Anonymous

The only 'B' word you should call a woman is beautiful. Bitches love to be called beautiful.

— Anonymous

Dear inventors of Tampons, How awkward was it for you to explain your invention to everyone?

— Anonymous

Charging your phone 5 minutes before you leave, because you think it will make a difference.

— Anonymous

Teens in horror movies are so stupid you could strangle them dumbasses with a cordless phone

— Anonymous

A man post a status onto his wall, ''tonight I'm gonna sleep in terrace'' 55 mosquitos likes

— Anonymous

I hate when people think my tweets be about them like bitch , aint nobody thinking about you.

— Anonymous

My girl asked me to do something to make her feel special...I bought that b*tch a wheelchair.

— Anonymous

Congratulations on buying a car that will go 0-60 in 5 seconds whether you want it to or not.

— Anonymous

Why do people feel stronger on Saturdays and Sundays? because all other days are Weak days!..

— Anonymous

Women and Washing Machines are similar in a way, you have to use your hands in their absence.

— Anonymous