Funny facebook status Quotes by Anonymous · Page 19

Dear MTV, I'm gonna start my own TV network called RealityTV; RTV and play nothing but music videos.

— Anonymous

Sunglasses allow an individual to stare at people without them knowing. It is Facebook in real life.

— Anonymous

I read something the other day that made me piss myself. It was a sign that said: 'Bathroom closed.'

— Anonymous

When going to work has become a nice break from Facebook, it's safe to say you're a Facebook junkie.

— Anonymous

I'm ready to take our relationship to the level of appearing together in a Facebook profile picture.

— Anonymous

My parents told me 'You watch too much TV and should try reading more!' So I turned on the subtitles.

— Anonymous

Sometimes, when my underwear matches my outfit, it makes me feel like I really have my life together.

— Anonymous

Welcome to the real Internet, where the men are men, the women are men, and the children are the FBI.

— Anonymous

I don't know why they call it a Walk of Shame. You just had sex last night and now everyone knows it.…

— Anonymous

I'd be more upset about the NSA accessing my phone records if I used my phone for anything but texting and taking…

— Anonymous

Truth is lms... truth is no one cares about likeing your status beacuse everyone knows what the truth is cus u post…

— Anonymous

I've never been in love before...But I can imagine its similar to the feeling you get when you see your waiter arriving…

— Anonymous

Why is it that in girl tampons commercials they're always laughing and dancing? Shouldn't they be reving chainsaws & burning shit down?

— Anonymous

Anytime a bird takes a crap on my car, I eat an entire plate of scrambled eggs on my porch. Just to…

— Anonymous

Going to the toy store, pressing the 'TRY ME' button on a toy and it wont stop...So you just awkwardly walk away…

— Anonymous

At the store buying 50 condoms. 2 girls behind me started laughing. I turned around and looked them in the eyes and…

— Anonymous

Hey I Didn't Mean To Interrupt Your Scrolling But Just Wanted To Let You Know, I Was Thinking Of You.

— Anonymous

I love making friends. I usually prefer to make them out of plaster and give them funny looking hats.

— Anonymous

By the power invested in me, I now pronounce you: deleted and blocked. You may now kiss my ass b*tch.

— Anonymous

That awkward moment, when you're walking through the metal detector and your abs of steel set it off.

— Anonymous

My wife always complains that I dont take her anywhere expensive... so I took her to the Gas Station.

— Anonymous

I don't care about your opinion or my cameras; my mirror thinks I'm sexy, therefore I'm a sexy-beast!

— Anonymous

My wife said she wanted something that went from 0 to 400 in 2 seconds....I got her a bathroom scale.

— Anonymous

Your iPhone 5 will be the perfect device to play with while you're waiting in line for the iPhone 5S.

— Anonymous

Deja Vu is when God thinks something is so funny, that he has to rewind it to show it to his friends.

— Anonymous

I don't want to hear you complain about the heat unless you are planning to take off all your clothes.

— Anonymous

Your FB profile says 'Single and ready to mingle!' ??? Sorry dude, you're just a 'Loner with a Boner.'

— Anonymous

If you were home alone in the middle of the night, and you heard a fart, would you laugh or be scared?

— Anonymous

I'm not saying she's a slut, but I tried to put her name as my password and it said 'Error: too easy.'

— Anonymous

I wish our sex life was as passionate as your reaction to the casting news about Fifty Shades of Grey.

— Anonymous

Look officer, I'm not being a smartass. All I'm sayin' is if you caught me then you were speeding too.

— Anonymous

I realized Facebook was a drug when I caught myself sneaking into the bathroom at work just to use it.

— Anonymous

Seeing a cute couple end their relationship is like watching the ending of every Nicholas Spark movie.

— Anonymous

The Miami Heat playing the San Antonio Spurs is the only way I could ever root for anything from Texas.

— Anonymous

I'll go to great lengths to scavenge other devices for batteries, before I will go out to buy new ones.

— Anonymous

When I found out that Snooki got a book deal I was more confused than a blind lesbian at a fish market.

— Anonymous

If you try to watch the movie Titanic backwards...it's actually about a magical boat that saves people.

— Anonymous

Delete me... Like most of y'all who can't handle what I have to say :') Dont got time for any of y'all.

— Anonymous

I carry a magnum size condom in my purse like a modern day glass slipper. Some day my prince will come.

— Anonymous

The 'Awkward Moment' when ur when you start yelling at someome and they put there hand over your mouth.

— Anonymous