Funny facebook status Quote by Anonymous

My girlfriend just caught me blow drying my penis, when she asked me what I was doing, apparently heating your dinner was not the…

— Uknown

Today, I was sitting on the toilet. I asked my bf to bring me a pair of clean underwear. He did so but They…

— Sheryne Brooks

First I took a crap on the hooker's chest, then I told her I'd pay her a thousand dollars to eat it. She was…

— Zach Braff

No: What the heck happened? Or: Why did you go from nearly kissing me to tossing me across your yard and into the patio…

— Alyson Noel

His finger flicked open a button on my cardigan-then two, three, four. It tumbled off my shoulders, leaving me in my camisole. He pushed…

— Becca Fitzpatrick

A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years…

— Anonymous

“Hooking both thumbs into my waistband, I rocked my hips from side to side, and slid the dress pants down my thighs. As gravity…

— Annie Arcane

“After I cut off his penis, I sautéed it in rosemary butter and ate it" "But did you go to a meeting afterwards?" "Yes"…

— Augusten Burroughs

I'm not a sexy guy. I went to a hooker. I dropped my pants. She dropped her price.

— Rodney Dangerfield

I walked in on my folks doing it doggy style less than four hours ago." "Waitress!" Jonas screamed, clicking his fingers madly. "Bring two!"…

— MaryJanice Davidson

What I did was not for sexual pleasure. Rather it brought me some peace of mind.

— Andrei Chikatilo

I may have been sexy, but I was covered up total. There was something left to the imagination.

— Suzi Quatro